January 2004 archive

(74 entries)

January 29, 2004

I do not like green snow or ham. I do not like them. SAM I am.

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I feel like I just have too much free time on my hands! And too many toes*! So today I set out to remedy that situation.

I gave tbone and Mr B------ a ride to school this morning, dear diary, and managed to get myself trapped in a snowdrift whilst trying to parallel park. They claimed I was "good enough" even though I was angled out into the street, but I tried pulling forward and backward and got nothing but tire-spinning from the process. I finally forced my riders to get out of the car and push, at which point they made up some story about green liquid dripping from the front of my car in order to get out of pushing.

Well, okay, there really was green liquid. So I gave up, declaring it "good enough because if the radiator is leaking, I don't want to drive it anywhere, so as long as I'm getting towed, I might as well get towed out of this stupid snowdrift." We went to a pointless waste of time class, then I got lunch and called AAA around 11:30.

When I finally got through to the AAA "customer advocate" around noon, I explained my situation.

"Green snow is better than yellow snow!" he pointed out, "But you still shouldn't eat it." He told me that the towing company would be there at 1:00, so I killed an hour paying my tuition** and walking back to the car. I arrived a few minutes before 1, just in case he showed up early and I wasn't there.

I got into the car and sat there. I was afraid to start up a car leaking mysterious green stuff, so I just sat. I fiddled with things in my bag. I sat. I entered AAA's 800 number into my cell phone. I sat. I looked at my watch. I sat. I shivered. I sat. I pulled my scarf tighter around me. I sat. I considered taking off my shoes and pulling my feet underneath me to warm them up, but rejected that idea because the tow truck would show up any minute and I would need to have shoes on. I sat. I tried to figure out if I could still feel my toes or not. I sat. I rethought the shoe-removal idea, but decided that since more time had passed since the time I originally thought of it, I was that much closer to tow truck arrival-time.

Around 1:22, I called AAA again.

"The truck is on his way," the operator told me. "He's just dropping off another car."

"Um, do I have to be with my car for him to tow it?" I asked.

"Yes, you do. Are you in the car now?"

"Yes. I was hoping to go somewhere warm."

"Do you have somewhere you could go near your car?"

"No... it's a residential area."

"Well I'll put a rush on this then. They should take this into account, because it's cold out there."

"Thank you."

So they sped that tow truck up so fast that it got there... half an hour later. But you know what? It was worth the wait, and I blamed no one because he was finally there and everything was going to be all better now.

I told him my problem and he pointed out that it was going to be more expensive if he had to tow me out of the snowdrift, so maybe I should try to get out on my own. I explained that I'd tried to get out, but just spun my wheels for a while. I also explained that I had been afraid to start up the car with greenness dripping out, so I hadn't tried since that morning. He said it shouldn't be a problem unless it looked like the car was overheating.

I gave escape a shot with him watching, but just spun some more. He got in and got a rocking backward-forward motion going and managed to back out of the space. This I'll-help-you-do-it-yourself-to-save-money approach reminded me of the time I went to the doctor and he helped me take my contact fragment out. It's nice when people help you avoid getting hosed for something simple, but it also makes you feel kind of stupid.

The tow truck man looked at the green puddle under the car. He looked under the hood. He looked at the snow in the wheel-well of the car. His diagnosis: Green snow. That I had parked on top of.


So at this point, it was about 2:30 pm (three hours after my phone call began) and I had no feeling in my toes... ALL FOR SOME GREEN SNOW.



No point to calling a tow truck.

Three hours.

I am so close, dear diary! Just a little more work at it and I will eliminate all of those pesky toes and free time with pointless time- and body-heat-wasters!

* I figuratively, rather than literally, have too many toes on my hands. I think one would be too many toes to literally have on my hands.
** The University likes it if I do that from time to time. I almost forgot.

srah | 6:47 PM | TrackBack
Tags: stories

January 28, 2004

Thou shalt have no Idol before srah

I've been watching a lot of American Idol lately. And I have come to the same conclusion that I know you all have: srah could totally be on this show.

Srah would kick some ass on this show. Srah has the talent it takes to be Your Next American Idol. Srah will go up there, sing her song*, and blow you out of the park! Srah--

What's that? The point is not to suck? Then why are all of those people going on TV and doing it? Just to embarrass themselves in front of a national audience, without even getting paid for it? Why, that doesn't make any sense!

So much for my dreams, then.

* Which I like to call "The Theme from 'Saved By the Bell' With Added Interpretive Dance and Flaming Batons"

srah | 8:01 PM | TrackBack
Tags: american idol, srah, tv

Kenya? Where the giraffes are. Norway? Population: Crab.

Yet another Flash cartoon from our weebly friends....

Lions and tigers gnawing on giraffes are soooooo cute. And the freaking song is sooooooo addictive.

[via Jezblog]

srah | 7:07 PM | TrackBack
Tags: discovered

I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

Today was Crazy Bubble Tea Day for some reason. I was mopey in the afternoon and frustrated at my blog-block, so I dragged Mr B------ down to Bubble Island for a treat to get us through our discussion section.

Standing in the hall and waiting to enter the classroom, we raised our glasses to a fellow bubble-tea drinker, who came over to observe our strange hot beverages in their styrofoam cups. Someone else remarked that ours were the largest straws they had ever seen, and we had to explain that the wide straws were for sucking up the bubbles of tapioca.

With three drinkers in the small(ish) class, tales of bubble tea and its virtues and oddness ran rampant throughout the room both before and after the class period and tbone demanded demandingly that we take her there when it was convenient for her (which is never).

Bubble Island should pay us for this publicity. In bubble tea.

srah | 6:58 PM | TrackBack
Tags: bubble tea, food

And I start to complain that there's no school

The Argentinian exchange student, who I will henceforth refer to as Señorita C, was all excited to start school on Tuesday. I don't know why the new semester starts on a Tuesday, but it does.

She woke up around 9 on Tuesday morning and wondered why no one had woken her up or taken her to school. School had been cancelled that day, which makes some sense because there was a lot of snow on the ground and there was still a fair bit of snowage going on at the time she would have been heading to school. I don't understand why school was cancelled again today, though.

Mr B------ suggests that it's because kids today are a bunch of pansies and that back in our day, we would have gone to school and liked it. I'm not quite sure that this is true, but I am willing to go along with it for the sake of sounding like an old fart.

srah | 6:42 PM | TrackBack
Tags: weather

Shut up and blog!

"The best cure for writer's block is to write," says the old children's story. From the sea.

Yeah, thanks a lot there, old adage. I'll just get on that writing, you jerk. I'll just write a bunch of garbage that won't amuse or inform anyone.

And how would this be different from usual?

Thanks, brain. I'll be stabbing you later.

Yesterday I couldn't blog because I didn't have anything to blog about. Now I have things to blog about but I just don't feel like it. I don't have the energy to try to make my life interesting to other people.

So don't say I didn't warn you.

srah | 6:25 PM | TrackBack

January 26, 2004

Variety is the spice of life... and mine is very bland

Never let it be said that I don't like to try new things.

For the record, cold almond milk tea with black bubbles is nowhere near as good as hot almond milk tea with black bubbles.

srah | 6:46 PM | TrackBack
Tags: food

Thank you, mysterious benefactor!

Blorgy.com is a website where you can nominate and vote for your favorite posts on other people's blogs. I discovered it yesterday because someone had nominated this post as a favorite post of theirs.

Great. The one time I get nominated for something, it's for a post that the dog wrote.

srah | 6:40 PM | TrackBack
Tags: discovered

We love you, Internet, oh yes we do

The Internet, cruel mistress that she is, sometimes conspires to bring us down and make us feel bad about ourselves.

But just once in a while, she will come up with something so uplifting that you instantly feel good about yourself as a person. Something that makes you want to take life by the horns and live again! You will forget all of her previous acts against you, basking in the warm, fuzzy, glowing feeling of pride that you get from being the #8 search result for this.

Wait, that's not a warm, fuzzy feeling. That's burning shame. Damn you, Internet!!!1

srah | 4:24 PM | TrackBack

Tuesday (K)night plans

My boss tells me that the weather forecast for the next 24 hours is sleet and freezing rain overnight, to be followed by 4 to 6 inches of snow during the day. Weather.com, which likes to shout, tells us that


I really wanted to attend tomorrow's Java lecture, but I'm afraid I'll be busy dying of hypothermia in a snowdrift somewhere between my house and central campus.

srah | 10:54 AM | TrackBack
Tags: weather

January 25, 2004

Ode to the new love of my life

A reason to stay
in my room and to study:
Thank you, space heater.

Normally, mine is
the coldest room in the house.
It isn't today.

Today, only a
few sweaters are required -
Not gloves in the house.

srah | 8:57 PM | TrackBack
Tags: haiku, poetry, weather

'It's like you and I are clipped from the same coupon'

If you are a fan of good movies, you need to see The Theory of the Leisure Class. I don't recommend it because it's a good movie, but because it is so bad that after seeing it, all other movies will look ten times better and you will be able to enjoy a much wider range.

The lead actress (and co-producer) of the film is named Tuesday Knight. When we saw this on the box, we hoped it would at least be a p0rno, but it turns out the acting was too bad to be p0rn. The acting was bad, the dialogue was bad, the plot was bad, and there were millions of plot holes and loose ends... but there was an exploding car!

I hope it was made as a joke, or that the ultimate crappiness was part of the overall message of the film. It is one of those movies that you have to see with a group of friends, alcohol and low expectations. Which we did. And we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, speculating on how much worse it could get.

(Answer: a lot worse. Blowing up a strip mall worse.)

It is terrible terrible terrible and I highly recommend that you run out and rent it today.

srah | 2:17 AM | TrackBack
Tags: bad movies, movies

Unconscious Mutterings

For a limited time only! Free free free! Associations!

srah | 1:59 AM | TrackBack
Tags: memes, unconscious mutterings

January 24, 2004

Field of cheers

If you bring it, they will come.

So said Kevin Costner, in that movie where his cheerleading squad steals all of the cheers from the high school across town and then has to compete on their own, but luckily his father walks out of the cornfield and brings his buddies from the afterlife with their blacklisted cheers from 1919.

So I should probably "bring it," if you will, and blog something.

It's been a little slow this week because I've been dealing with all of that math and a monster bake-off Thursday night, but now I have free time and a resolution to be more positive about that class... and I can't think of anything to say.

Any suggestions? Stories you'd like to hear?

srah | 9:54 AM | TrackBack

January 23, 2004

Gung hay fat choy!

Happy Chinese New Year!

'Tis indeed the Year of the Monkey, srah's Chinese astrological year. Very fitting, as there is no Year of the Pirate. There hasn't been a Year of the Monkey since I was 12 and too young to appreciate it. I assure you, I will be livin' it up, Monkey-style, being clever and energetic but accident-prone and immoral.

srah | 8:23 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

January 22, 2004

Yes, I have a question on the homework: WTF, mate?

At this point in my SI career...

... if I had a friend who was interested in a career as an information professional of some sort and was looking at U-M, I would tell them to turn around and run as fast as they possibly can.

... if I hadn't already spent a semester's worth of time and tuition here, I would be thinking about dropping out.

... if I felt that the Choice & Learning foundations course was actually building a foundation for my career as an information professional, I would be rethinking my career path.

... I am so annoyed by this class and the idea that I should have to take it that I can't find any words to express my anger and frustration so I just want to scream and cry and swear and tear my hair out (and rhyme, apparently).

Up yours, SI 502! I am not in grad school to do math! I can't even focus on the classes I do like, because you are sapping my time and energy. Kindly eat me.

srah | 12:36 PM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

January 21, 2004

Because I enjoy sitting on my ass in the dark for long stretches of time

Here are the IMDb's top 100 movies - with the ones I've seen in bold. Which of the rest do you recommend?

srah | 5:11 PM | TrackBack
Tags: lists, movies

January 20, 2004

The full extent of my political involvement

I hereby vow to donate $5 to Dubya's campaign fund if the State of the Union address begins:

"My fellow Americans, the state of the union is... it sux0rs."

And he has to pronounce it "sucksors" or it's a no-go.

Update (21:12): Sucks to be you, Georgie! Them five bucks is gettin' spent on bubble tea!

srah | 9:08 PM | TrackBack
Tags: george w bush, politics, state of the union

'Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.'

Did you know that there is a whole other world out there, existing in the same time and space as our own? This is the world of the People Who Think That Pants Should Be Introduced Into The Lord Of The Rings. After seeing these shots from the terrible cartoon version of the movie, I am inclined to agree with them.

"Do not meddle in the pants of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger."

[via fujikosmurf]

srah | 12:39 PM | TrackBack
Tags: lord of the rings, movies

January 19, 2004

Quick! Lose all respect for me by reading on!

I totally just joined Friendster. Shut up. I am always up on the latest trends like that. I like to think of myself as jumping on the bandwagon just as it's about to hurtle off the cliff and burst into flames.

srah | 12:26 PM | TrackBack
Tags: discovered

She's mighty, my tea

Dear People At Work,

Please stop stealing my tea. It wouldn't bother me so much if there were one or two of you taking it in order to drink it on your own, but you tend to take the box, which is clearly marked with my initials and set it out whenever there's a presentation, offering it to millions of strangers.

Oh, and while we're at it,

Dear People Who Come to My Workplace,

Please stop being so rigid and unmovable. You are never going to find an internship if you reject all of my suggestions for no apparent reason other than you think you might have heard something about the program once and maybe it wasn't very good.

Also, stop being moist and floppy*. Telling me you want to study abroad somewhere but you don't know where and you don't know what you want to study is not going to help me help you. Please narrow it down...


srah | 12:15 PM | TrackBack
Tags: international education, work

Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get... uh...

The Man wants to screw homosexuals out of a verb*.

Heterosexuals can "marry" or "get married". Now they're talking about offering homosexuals the possibility of "civil unions," so as not to cheapen the sacred vows of marriage. So what do they do? Do they get civil unionized? That sounds like they're miners or auto workers. Civilly united? That sounds like two people who can barely stand each other being sewn together (which is almost as good an image as terrible p0rn!). Sucks to be you, gay people. You are second-class citizens, so no verbs for you!

I had always assumed that marriage was a legal state, but all of the arguments I've heard seem to be about how homosexuality is against God and immoral and things like that. So apparently this is a religious issue instead.

So, in the interest of the separation of church and state, let's abolish the legal state of marriage altogether and have civil unions for everyone. Then, if your own specific religion condones your specific pairing, you can go on ahead and get married in that religion. And whether you're married or not, you'll have the same rights in the eyes of the law.

* Now there's a phrase you don't hear every day.

srah | 11:02 AM | TrackBack


I had a dream where my mom, my sister and I went out to dinner. Mr B------ had a second job bartending at this restaurant, but he didn't see us when we came in. I ordered a Coke with lemon and lime slices in the hopes that he would recognize my drink order and realize I was there. Unfortunately, our waiter filled our drink orders himself.

This restaurant had a floating appetizer buffet. All of the tables in the restaurant were arranged around a pool in the center that had a rotating current, like the duck pond game at carnivals. The appetizers were on floating dishes, so you had to reach in and pull them out. There were also ducks and swans swimming around in the pool among the appetizers.

srah | 10:11 AM | TrackBack
Tags: dream

XXX Live webcam - hot young great-grandmas cooking! XXX

Mr B------ was in the kitchen and I called to him from the living room.

"When you come back, will you bring the caramel corn?"

"What about a horn?"

"Caramel CORN. Will you bring the caramel corn?"

"Terrible whore?"

"What? Terrible p0rn? No, I said CARAMEL CORN!!!!1"

He finally understood what I'd been saying and tossed me the bag. Eventually I recovered from the mental image of terrible p0rn, with people completely dressed and glaring at each other from across the room, but he only started my hysterical laughter again when he added,

"You know, my great-grandmother made that caramel corn."

srah | 9:32 AM | TrackBack
Tags: boys

January 18, 2004

What they need's a damn good whacking

Number of friends I have who have recently had head injuries: two.

Anyone interested in increasing that number? Just step a little closer to me and this big stick I have behind my back.

srah | 12:55 PM | TrackBack

Unconscious Mutterings

Yo yo yo, mah peeps. Wassup? Free associations to follow. Peek not!

srah | 12:22 AM | TrackBack
Tags: memes, unconscious mutterings

January 17, 2004

The gag reflex leaves me answered with a question mark

"I'm soooooo tiiiiiiiiired," I whined.

"You're always tired. Maybe you should take some vitamins or something," suggested Mr B------.

No! I don't take vitamins! Vitamins are for people who don't get adequate nutrition from their daily diets. Whereas I eat a very rounded diet of... lentil soup, Junior Mints and bubble tea. Oops. Huh. When did that happen? And more importantly, how have I survived this long?

So when I went to the store last night, I stood in front of the multivitamin shelves, bewildered. Where are all of the Flintstones Women's Vitamins? Why don't they have chewable vitamins for adults? I shook the packages of swallow-needy tablets to try to determine which sounded smaller and bought the Meijer brand, which ended up still being enormous.

I never successfully swallowed a pill until I went on a class trip in 8th grade and got a headache so bad I couldn't just ignore it. All they had was Grown Up Tylenol, so I had to suck it up and take it like a man. I choked on the first one and it sat in my mouth for a while, dissolving its disgusting flavour until I had to spit it out. Once I realized how bad they were going to taste, I managed to swallow the second one with a big glass of water.

If you know the relative sizes of a Tylenol and a multivitamin, you may understand where those wheezing and *gack gack gack* noises heard 'round the world were coming from. I have so much to look forward to! How about if I just waste away to nothing instead?

srah | 11:32 AM | TrackBack
Tags: health, medicine, mr b, vitamins

'They don't have anything. They come from the MOON!'

"A national mission to a far-away place where glory awaits and no rebel movement lurks will help Americans forget about the continuing problems in Iraq and portray the president as a peaceful visionary."
- "World press pans US Mars shot"

I am constantly amazed by the numbers of people who don't realize that Bush has made a laughingstock of our country and driven our already arrogant and ignorant reputation further into the ground.

The sad thing is, you can't just tell them this. You can't just inform them of what he's done, because they don't care. These are the same people who are waving their little flags and saying that if you don't like George Bush or war with Iraq, you should leave the country, because that's the way we do things here. If other countries don't like the way we do things, then fine - we don't need them anyway.

Their minds are completely infused with the "USA all the way" mentality and they're the ones who should be leaving the country. They need to get out and experience the real world and when they're good and experienced, then I'll let them back in.

[via Mr B------]

srah | 9:43 AM | TrackBack
Tags: george w bush, politics, united states

January 16, 2004

Pitcher's got a big butt! Pitcher's got a big butt!

My sister is cleaning out her room in preparation for the arrival of The Argentine and has stumbled across a jackpot of blackmail material.

It was 1993 and Rookie of the Year had just come out. I was thirteen, for god's sake!

Yes, okay, I liked Thomas Ian Nicholas a little bit.

Yes, okay, maybe a little more than a little bit.

I may, technically, have had, like, 18 million posters of him. I may, technically, have bought hundreds of thousands of teenybopper magazines during my middle school years and decorated my school binders with pictures of him.

Or I may not have! I guess you'll never know!

Phew! Good save! They'll never guess the truth!

srah | 9:51 PM | TrackBack
Tags: readers' choice

Una hermana nueva en la casa

It's final: we're going to take the exchange student. We have an interview tomorrow morning to make sure we're not dope fiends or operating a brothel from out of the home or whatever it is they have to screen host families for. All curses aside, I'm happy.

Between all of the visits to France we've made, my sister and I have had five short- or long-term host families. Some were good, some were great and some left me in front of the TV, which was okay because without that, I never would have seen It dubbed into French.

"Ils flottent, Georgie... et ici tu flotteras, toi aussi..."

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it! All crap movies are infinitely better dubbed into foreign languages and it's not until you get home and watch them again that you realize how crap they really are.

Where was I?

Ah yes, so the first time I went to France, they didn't find me a host family until a couple of days before I left, so I know what she's going through. I've had my share of host families, good and bad, so I'm really hoping this will be a positive experience for her and we won't scare her too much.

srah | 7:22 PM | TrackBack
Tags: carla, host family, srahfam

Caw! Caw!

Economics, as far as I can tell so far, seems to be all about defining problems and finding feasible solutions to them.

Feasible schmeasible. Who's to say it's not feasible to hitch a ride to the Rose Bowl on a giant eagle?

Economics is for people with no imagination.

srah | 1:18 AM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

January 15, 2004

Srah's Musical Quiz IV: A New Hope

Alfie inspires me. A delightful collection of quotes from a combination of Broadway- and movie-musicals are to follow. Guess the song/musical!

  1. Whenever they say you're slightly unconventional/ Just put your thumb up to your nose [Mame - Open a New Window]
  2. Play with appropriate passion [Kismet - Night of My Nights]
  3. He is equally cunning with dice [Cats - Mr Mistoffelees]
  4. For those old honky tonk monkeyshines [Singin' in the Rain - Make 'Em Laugh]
  5. Deep down you know tomorrow is your toy [Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory - Cheer Up Charlie]
  6. Silver spoons were used for feeding us [Hello Dolly! - We Got Elegance]
  7. Don't talk of stars, burning above [My Fair Lady - Show Me]
  8. They look so natural together [Fiddler on the Roof - Sunrise, Sunset]
  9. How lovely to sit here in the shade [Gigi - I'm So Glad That I'm Not Young Anymore]
  10. I'm full of vitamin A [42nd Street - Young and Healthy]

Thanks for playing!

srah | 8:59 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
Tags: music

Got a rocket in your pocket?

Or are you just happy to see me?

Good ol' Alfreda has another musicals quiz...

srah | 8:01 PM | TrackBack

A quarter of the way to fame and fortune!

There's a 25% chance that I'll win a Bloggie™.
What's Your Chance to Win a Bloggie™?

I highly suspect I'm not even nominated.

[via pickle juice]

srah | 6:26 PM | TrackBack
Tags: quizzes

Curse of the Argentine

"Should we get an Argentinian exchange student?" my mom asked.

Apparently there is one on the market and the local exchange student coordinator hasn't been able to find a home for her. She was supposed to go to one family, but the coordinator just found out they're in the middle of a divorce. So she found another family for the girl, but then the father got laid off and said that they couldn't afford to take her. She arrives tomorrow and the coordinator is desperate.

"We'd better not take her!" I exclaimed, "Divorce, unemployment... clearly she's cursed!"

"Yeah," my dad pointed out, "You just mentioned taking her and now our car's been stolen!"

srah | 6:06 PM | TrackBack
Tags: carla, srahfam

Is it not... INVISIBLE?

Soon after Alfie turned 16, she bought a 1987 VW Golf from a friend of the family. She never managed to learn to drive a stick-shift, so she ended up buying a Saturn automatic a couple of years later. So the Golf has been sitting in front of our house ever since. We've been hoping we could sell it to some poor high school student in order to get rid of it, but it's a piece of junk, so no one's been interested. So there it sits. Or sat.

My parents came home from work today.

"You're home!" my father pointed out, surprised.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Where's the Golf?"

"The Golf?"

"It's not in front of the house... we assumed you had problems with the other car, so you took that one."

We've stared out the window several times and unless it's been miniaturized or invisiblized, it's not there. It's funny, because most people would freak out if they discovered their car had been stolen or towed or dematerialized. We're just kind of wandering around the house, scratching our heads and wondering if we should bother calling the police, or just be relieved to be rid of it.

srah | 5:59 PM | TrackBack
Tags: car, srahfam

Hello, world!

One Java lab down. I'm not dead yet. I didn't burst into tears, either, and I even followed along as we created programs to do such fascinating things as print a character string to the screen and carry on intriguing dialogue like:

program: What is your name?
srah-user: Mr B------ sucks
program: Hello, Mr B------ sucks!

You may now address me as srah, Java Programmer Extraordinaire! Coming soon to a toaster near you!

srah | 2:10 PM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

Everybody else is answering it

So... this quiz was crap and you all hate me. I fully accept all shenanigans called on me, since I just threw the quiz together in, like, half an hour. Read on to see the answers...

srah | 8:09 AM | TrackBack

January 14, 2004

Urstodial updation

Ursula's out of the ICU, but still in the hospital. And has blogged!

srah | 7:54 PM | TrackBack

And now you can share in the pain!

<(|||)( )=:

I have had the "bringing home a baby bumblebee" song in my head for two hours.

srah | 2:46 PM | TrackBack

Cancel school! Cancel school!

It's snowing like cats and dogs here. If cats and dogs snowed.

It's snowing like dandruff. Except "snow" isn't really a method performed by the object "dandruff" either. Dandruff just looks like snow. Hmmm, scratch that one too.

So it's snowing like... like the weather. When it snows.

Ah, simile. This is why I'm not a writer.

srah | 2:31 PM | TrackBack
Tags: weather

January 13, 2004


Dear Girl Who Lives in My House,

Why are you always stepping on me?

You must be getting old and blind and senile, because you should always know where I am; I am right next to your feet. Or lying across the doorway when you come out of the shower with fogged-up glasses. Or standing in the middle of the hallway as the teakettle is whistling or the phone is ringing.

Seriously, you'd think you'd catch on after a while!

Geez, sometimes I even help you out by walking in the same direction you're going, in such a way that you can't get around me. I always make sure to do this nice and slowly so that we can spend Quality Time together in the hallway. And yet you seem to have a problem with this.

You must be getting old.

The Devil Dog

P.S. I might have to go out right now. Or maybe not. How about we go to the back door and I take a look outside to see if I want to? Atta girl.

srah | 10:12 AM | TrackBack
Tags: howie, readers' choice


I dreamt I was shopping for a Christmas present for Keith, since the one I'd gotten him had fallen through. There was a lot of pressure to come up with a great gift immediately. Then I discovered that one of the shop assistants was the Urstodian's friend Lauren, so I just sat on the floor and talked to her instead of shopping. She tried to sell us stuff in the store, but none of it seemed like stuff Keith would like and she said the food was all way too old to be edible.

Then I went to the ATM and I was annoyed because my bank doesn't print the balance at the bottom of the receipts (it doesn't, and this does annoy me) so you have to waste time and paper by printing out the balance separately and you have to remember to do this before you do a withdrawal or else the machine will spit out your card and you'll have to do it again. Anyway, it's annoying and in my dream, I was suddenly struck with a spirit of difference-making, so I went up to the counter, ready to fight and get them to change this. I didn't know exactly what to do, so I sort of stuttered over my words.

"Do... do you have, like, a hmmmm, a complaints form? Or comments? You know?"

The teller looked at me with disdain and repeated my words in that "mee mee mee mee" mocking tone that you really can't capture on the Internet, handing me a piece of paper which may or may not have been a comments form but I didn't get a good look at it because I was distracted by getting pinched on the butt.

I turned around and it was Rotolu, who I haven't seen since high school. He disappeared to get some food from the food court and I left the bank area and told my friends I'd gotten a comments form and that I'd been sexually harassed. "... by HIM!" I said, pointing, and Rotolu came over to where we were and we went to Kroger's together.

srah | 9:06 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Tags: dream

January 12, 2004

And now: Leonard Nimoy reads srah blah blah

Natalie has a crapload of Simpsons quotes on her blog today, one of which reminds me of my blog so much that I can't decide whether to be overwhelmingly sad or overwhelmingly happy. So I will be overwhelmingly had and sappy*.

Leonard Nimoy: Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounter is true and by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies, and in the end isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.

Anyway, go over there and waste some time reading those when you should be learning how to program in Java.

Not that I know anyone who did that.


* Now I kind of wish I'd been choosing between being happy or crazy!

srah | 10:44 PM | TrackBack
Tags: quote

Blog it Forward

"The rules are really simple. For those of you who are new to this, all you have to do is pick someone from your blogroll and post (on your site) just what makes them blogworthy."

And so I bring you... three random sites from my blogroll. And when I say random, I mean I have my eyes closed! I have my eyes closed and I'm mousing around and now I'm going to click and-- That wasn't my blogroll. I have my eyes closed and I'm mousing around the general area where my blogroll should be and the winner is... Blogrolling. Crap. I have my eyes closed again and I'm mousing a bit higher and the first winner is...

1) Jezblog

No, seriously, it is. It's good old Jezzles, who doesn't blog nearly as frequently about the horrors of Paris now that he's moved to Yorkshire (fancy that!).

Jez found me (or I found him, I don't know which anymore) last year while I was in the médiathèque de Vichy, struggling with the computers that like to reset when you don't wiggle the mouse often enough. It's actually kind of strange that I remember that! The first interaction I remember with Jez was when he asked me why I was a friendless loser. And it's all been downhill from there.

Anyway, Jez is a good blog, listens to (and sends me) great music, always comes up with wonderful, terrible jokes and insane badger-related links and is a fantastic Blackadder-war opponent. He invited me to an imaginary party and someday I hope to take him up on that. Now let's see who comes up next...

2) me(ish)

I've always considered Meg one of my blogparents because hers was one of the first weblogs I was aware of, having come across this post on one of my daily John Hannah googlings back in the day. I was surprised to learn that there were people who recorded their daily comings and goings and thoughts and musings on the Internet and knew that it was far too much work for me to do! Eventually I caught on to that thing called Blogger and became a writer and reader of blogs myself. So now you know whose fault that is.

Here is one of my favorite Meg-posts: Wie sagt man "confused" en français?. And now we move on to our third guest:

3) The November 2002 archives

I remember my first experience with November 2002 archives.... I believe it was November 1, 2002. Funny how we remember these dates-- WAIT! This isn't on my blogroll, is it? Scratch that.

3) swirlspice

"Well," as the Church Lady would say, "Isn't that conveeeeeeeeenient?" Now I don't have to link back to this post, which is where I heard about this whole Blog it Forward malarkey in the first place. Erica very happily seems to be online whenever I am, which means that in my obsessive screen-refreshing, her link often comes up as --swirlspice--, indicating that her site has been freshly updated and srahs are happy. Erica is a Michigander, although she is temporarily displaced in Minnesota. When she worked in Ann Arbor, I always imagined that I would run into her somewhere, but I haven't done so yet. I hope that she will come back soon so that we can wear our Blogger sweatshirts and go skipping hand in hand together down the street.

Oh yeah, and her blog is fun too.

srah | 9:23 PM | TrackBack
Tags: memes

January 11, 2004

AKA Sleeper

How does Nyquil® work? How does it fix both stuffy and runny noses? Is there an ideal consistency for mucous that it regulates you out to? How does it know what my ideal consistency is? Why does it have to taste so bad? I bet it would be better for me if it tasted good, because I would rinse out the little cup and drink the rinsings, the way I do with Triaminic®, and sort of like that horrible commercial with the woman who drinks salsa-water. Water is good for you! Why does the bottle tell me to take 2 tablespoons but none of the little medicine cups in our bathroom (including the one that came with the Nyquil®) have markings for tablespoons - just teaspoons and milliliters? Don't they know I'm sick and when I'm sick, I don't want to do math? Or any other time, for that matter?

Oh jeez, I think it's kicking in, isn't it? Do I seem drowsy and excitable to you? Yip! Yip! Yip! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

srah | 1:47 AM | TrackBack
Tags: health, medicine

Unconscious Mutterings

Thar be free associations in them hills. Free associations, I tell you!

srah | 1:03 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Tags: memes, unconscious mutterings

January 10, 2004

Woe is srah

*gack hack hack hack*
*blow nose*

That is all. As you were.

srah | 10:18 PM | TrackBack
Tags: health

Everybody else is doing it

So why shouldn't I? How much do you know about me?


Note: Don't bother putting your email address in, because they don't send the answers. They're probably just selling them directly to p0rn spammers.

srah | 4:52 PM | TrackBack
Tags: srah

Microeconomics? Megasuckonomics, more like it!

Our Search and Retrieval professors apologized for the fact that we are in the crappiest room in the crappiest building on campus (Dennison 269, if you're counting) and explained that SI is too stupid to realize they've grown too big for their own facilities, so we just have to beg to LS&A every semester and they throw us those rooms that aren't fit for their own uses.

Okay, maybe those weren't their exact words.

Anyway, the point is, they knew we had these complaints, they understood them, but they explained that this is why it had to be this way. I can accept that. They also told us that some of the pages in our electronic coursepack would be crooked but that at least we wouldn't have to pay for a paper coursepack. I appreciate that.

Oh, and speaking of paying for things...

My Choice and Learning professors told us yesterday that we had to have their two textbooks and coursepack (total cost: almost $250). I waited for their explanation or apology and it never came. Do they not realize how expensive their damn class is? Do they not care? Doesn't it bother them that because of insanely elevated textbook fees, their students already hated the class before the first class session began?

Apparently not. They asked if we had any questions about the textbooks, but I couldn't think of any that I could ask in a polite classroom setting or that wouldn't adversely affect my grade in the class.

srah | 1:21 PM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

'I'd like to kill the guy who invented this'

As Teen Talk Barbie informed us, "Math is hard." And in the words of Jimmy Buffett, "Math sucks."

My semester is looking distressingly math- and logic- and computer-science-heavy. I was all ready to put all of my energy into Java Programming as my most insanely difficult hardest class when my Choice and Learning GSI informed us that the myths about his class requiring math knowledge were false.

"You don't need to know calculus!" he laughed, "All it requires is a bit of advanced algebra!"

Alge-who, now?

I have also been informed by an SI alum that you need to know how to take a derivative or at least know what a derivative is and why on earth or where on earth one would want to take one.


So yes, I am planning on failing out of SI. Goodbye, cruel school.

srah | 12:20 PM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

Then again, I was raised by dorks

The difference between the dorks and the "cool kids" is that cool kids have to feign (or succeed in) disinterest in everything. They have to be nonchalant and not show excitement over anything. You are a dork if you get excited about things - especially if the majority of the population can't match your excitement.

I think that dorks make the best teachers. Can you imagine one of the cool kids in high school going into education?

"Today we're going to learn about, like, the end-to-end principle or something. Whatever. Why are you bouncing up and down in the back, there?"

It's much better to be taught by someone who is interested and passionate and knowledgeable about the subject matter, because their interest is contagious. One of my teachers keeps getting really excited about our class and asking if he's being too geeky for us. It is my belief that there's no such thing.

srah | 11:23 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

If you wondered what the rightful king of England was up to...

He's doing research on rice in Australia.

In this alternate reality, Henry VIII was locked up in the Tower for siding with Lady Jane Grey and the reputation of the sister of George III was spoilt through the machinations of the usurper Victoria Hanover.

[via fujikosmurf]

srah | 9:53 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Tags: discovered

January 9, 2004


I was on a road trip with my family, including my grandma. We got lost and were travelling down this dirt road, which turned out to be a dead end. We turned into this driveway to turn around, where there was a sign that said "Beware of Brownies".

My family was speculating about whether this referred to the chocolate kind of brownies or the magical kind in Willow when this cow came rushing at us. Apparently "brownies" was slang for "cows" wherever we were, because this cow started chasing us. My dad put the pedal to the metal and just as she was about to ram into the car, we started to pull away. We were faster than her only because she was missing a leg and had a very fake prosthetic one made out of steel and clear plastic that wasn't quite long enough.

At some point later in the dream, I was looking for something or someone and everywhere I turned, there were people dressed as Wookiees, with varying levels of believability.

Later, Mr B------ and I landed on Mackinac Island in the pouring rain. We got a taxi and the driver wanted to know the address of our hotel. I told him I didn't know the name or the address, but I knew how to get there. It made him mad and he was going to kick us out of the taxi.

srah | 3:58 PM | TrackBack
Tags: cows, dream, mackinac island, srahfam

Can't be arsed to delete comment spam

This is my favorite:

A new comment has been posted on your blog srah blah blah, on entry #5515
(Can... and will!).

IP Address:
Name: Moore Tania Williamson

Email Address: pamela_woodlake@yahoo.com
URL: http://discount-prescription-drugs.drugsexperts.com


I am a hobo in the house of the lord.


A new comment has been posted on your blog srah blah blah, on entry #5246
(1000? Who are you people?).

IP Address:
Name: Nardo Abby

Email Address: pamela_woodlake@yahoo.com
URL: http://loose-weight.weight-loss-central.org


There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

srah | 3:13 PM | TrackBack

January 7, 2004

Hey everyone! Look how different I look!

Got my hair cut.

Came home.

My mom looked at me and asked, "Did you get it cut?"


That's two unremarkable haircuts in a row. Next time I'm getting a buzz cut and dyeing the fuzz red just so I'll look noticeably different.

I just want to be noticed. I need everyone, male and female, to tell me I look faaaaaaaabulous, in the voice of this guy.

srah | 7:51 PM | TrackBack
Tags: haircut

It sucks... but in a cute way?

Hi, yeah, I'm cursed. First I go blog-ranting on and on about how I hate our courseware program, then 3.5 hours later, I go to my first class of the semester... taught by one of the creators/administrators of said program.

Teacher: Who here has used CourseTools?
*all hands raise*
Teacher: Who has used CourseTools:NextGeneration?
*most hands raise, since this class' website is on CTNG*
Teacher: And which do you prefer?
*chorus of "THE OLD ONE!!!1"s, to the apparent surprise of the instructor*

So much for all of those brownie points I racked up for logging onto the class website at 1am, the moment the instructor sent out the email notification that it was up. Sigh... Being a Complete Dork only counts for so much when you follow it up with insulting the professor's baby. Well, at least Mr B------ is enjoying himself.

srah | 5:05 PM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

I relish the thought!

(srah): i want polly to hurry up and read her email
(Mr B------): call her!
(srah): and take the throne that is rightly hers
(srah): no
(srah): that would be gay
(srah): and by 'gay' i don't mean any connection to homosexuality, nor to suggest that being a homosexual is totally lame.
(srah): and by lame, i don't mean any connection to disabled people, nor to suggest that being disabled is teh suck
(srah): and by suck, i don't mean literally suck but rather the figurative meaning

In this politically correct world of ours (or mine, anyway), there are no insults left. Since I can't say "retarded" for fear of offending the mentally handicapped, I'm going to start referring to everything I don't like as "mustarded".

srah | 4:59 PM | TrackBack

And here I was, nagging her for not blogging

Like Lauren, I'm not sure how much information is appropriate for a blog, but I suppose some information is always better than misinformation and rumour...

The Urstodian was in this accident with her sister on Sunday afternoon and is unconscious in the Intensive Care Unit at the University of Wisconsin-Madison hospital. Lauren says, "They say she's going to get better, her dad said that she was showing signs of her spunky self."

Lauren's not sure yet if Ursula can have visitors, but we're organizing flowers or some kind of gift from her friends in Ann Arbor. I have contact information for her parents and friends back in Wisconsin so if you're a friend of hers, you can email me for it.

Update (19:55): Ursula's sister's being released from the hospital today, Ursula is conscious ("when she wants to be") and she can have visitors. No word yet on when she'll be moved out of the ICU or freed altogether.

srah | 2:18 PM | TrackBack

January 6, 2004

CourseTools: teh suck


Oh, University of Michigan. You have outsmarted me. I wasted all of my energy hating CourseTools.

Little did I know that you would release its freakish, inbred offspring, CourseTools: NextGeneration in its deformed, pathetic foetal form. Little did I know the further pain and anguish that could be caused by a completely unusable system. Little did I suspect how much worse this course management system could get. Little did I know the painful layers of irony in web usability designers being taught via a ridiculously unusable web system developed by web designers trained in web usability at our own school.

Now it's too late. My hate-energy has been sapped. All I can do is summon up a tiny bit of sarcasm in the form of teenspeak.

Teh samester hasnt even b-gun & allreddy im siked about corsetoolz!!!1 Too thums up to ma sk00l!!!1

srah | 12:33 AM | TrackBack
Tags: university of michigan

srah blah blah for, uh... meh.

It's Bloggies time again! I don't think I've any particularly stand-outish favorites in any of the categories, so... meh. We'll wait until the nominations are done and vote for whoever the other people have narrowed it down to. Just like the Democratic primary!

srah | 12:15 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 5, 2004


Kathy Howe reminds me that I haven't blogged last night's dream...

I was in some kind of science facility's locker room, bothering all of the scientists. I think I may have been stalking one of them and baked him cookies. I ran into Keith and Tiffany in the computer lab, where they were making a stop-action film about R2D2 using Legos. Keith begged me to make him crêpes. I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have any whipped cream. He made a face and informed me that he didn't want whipped cream - he wanted blueberries and "miced" onions.

srah | 11:44 PM | TrackBack
Tags: dream

On-the-job hazards

Bilingual children make me feel stupid! And yet I love them so! With jealous hatred burning in my heart! But a loving kind of hatred!

Bilingual children confuse me.

srah | 4:31 PM | TrackBack
Tags: work

Real* Stories of the Doctor's Office

I finally went to the doctor to have my malady checked out. I expressed my concerns to the nurse that it could be an infection or pinkeye or a scratch on my eye or Mad Cow Disease or encephalitis or zombiism.

She took a look at the inside of my eyelid and decided that irrigation was in order. When I hear irrigation, I think about things like redirecting the Nile in order to water crops. This is clearly the same image that she had, as she seems to have redirected the Nile into my eye.

She threw me down on the table and started pouring saline solution on my eye. It rolled out of my eyes, down my cheeks, down my neck, into my nose and into my mouth. I sputtered and choked as she tried to drown me.

"YOU WANT MORE OF THAT, BITCH?" she screamed as I struggled for life. "YOUR EYE DOESN'T FEEL SO IRRITATED NOW, DOES IT?!"

"Well actually, now it's sort of burning--"

"GUESS YOU NEED A LITTLE MORE, THEN!" she screamed, throwing me back on the table and dribbling more drops in my eye. "HOW'S THAT? STILL IRRITATED?" she mocked.

"Uh, no," I lied, holding my eye in the socket, "That feels so much better! Thank you so much! Please stop!"

Actually, it does feel all better now... must be the thought of returning for more "doctoring" that made my hypochondria suddenly clear up.

* This story may or may not be true. The facts have been changed to protect the innocent and because I have been so boring lately I have to make up lies.

srah | 2:22 PM | TrackBack
Tags: contact lenses, doctor, eyes, health

January 4, 2004

Ye'll walk the plank, Robert H. Frank!!!1

I thought that $122.50 was an insane amount to pay for one textbook (a textbook on microeconomics, to make it worse) until I discovered that I was getting off lightly. Ouch. At least my $90 Java textbook sounds potentially useful...

srah | 7:24 PM | TrackBack
Tags: school of information

Who needs real life?!

The Sims 2 and I are getting married. I would run out and buy it on March 15, but then I would flunk out of school. So we'll have to wait until the summer for our joyous union.

"Starting with a personality that you give them (or that they inherit from their parents), your Sims will develop in unique ways based on your choices and influence.

"As they progress through life, your Sims will collect memories which shape who they are, what options they have and how they behave. These experiences can have a short or long-term effect on relationships between family members and friends. Experiences between Sims when they are children can affect their relationships as teens and adults. Your Sims can have casual friendships or make life-long enemies.

"Your Sims live in a realistic and vivid 3-D world of your own creation. When you build their homes, you'll have new options that will allow you to create decks, attics, and build on hillsides. You'll be able to choose from hundreds of new objects, many of which can be customized from within the game. And once you've built the perfect home, you'll be able to zoom in close to see every detail of Sim life, from the food in the refrigerator to the expression of moods and feelings on your Sims' faces.

"Rounding out the experience, The Sims 2 delivers dozens of features requested from fans over the past four years. A new "Create-A-Sim" feature will allow you to easily make unique and detailed character faces with a variety of hair styles, facial hair, make-up and accessories. You'll also be able to choose from a wide selection of casual, formal, cool and crazy clothing styles. And carrying on the tradition of giving players the ability to customize their game, The Sims 2 is designed to allow players to easily integrate content created by players outside the game."

- Official Sims 2 website

srah | 1:04 PM | TrackBack
Tags: the sims

Whatever happened to that Do Not Call list?

"A name pronounced is the recognition of the individual to whom it belongs. He who can pronounce my name aright, he can call me, and is entitled to my love and service."
- Henry David Thoreau

I'm going to memorize this so that I can recite it to telemarketers, who never seem to pronounce my relatively straightforward last name correctly.

srah | 10:56 AM | TrackBack
Tags: quote

Unconscious Mutterings

Oh, by the way, I'm INSANE this week.

srah | 10:38 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
Tags: memes, unconscious mutterings

January 3, 2004

'It was that or skin my chauffeurs!'

Song in my head: "See My Vest" from The Simpsons
Mental image to accompany song: Mr Burns in grizzly bear underwear

*contemplate suicide*

srah | 11:50 PM | TrackBack
Tags: the simpsons, tv

Ye'll walk the plank, Scott Baio!!!1

My eye itches. It feels like there's a foreign object in there, but there are none to be found. I'm hoping that it's just irritated from me fiddling around while looking for an eyelash earlier, and that after a good night's sleep, everything will be fine in the morning. Let's all hold hands and think positive thoughts, shall we?

But before we do any handholding, perhaps I ought to wash my hands first, just in case it is, as my hypochondriac self is wont to believe, pinkeye.

I am hoping it's something that will necessitate an eyepatch. I would buy a hat to go with it, and perhaps a shoulder-parrot. I think that would be an excellent way to start the new semester. Yarrrrrrrr...

srah | 11:31 PM | TrackBack
Tags: contact lenses, eyes, health

Torch the quarters, Meatwad

The Michigan Quarter comes out in 23 days. It is very BORing.

In other fascinating news from the US Mint, 2004 will also bring us new commemorative Louisiana Purchase nickels. Apparently money is not appealing enough to Americans so we have to change it up every once in a while just to get people excited about it.

I am picturing the lifestyle over at the US Mint, and let's just say it involves a lot of rolling papers and truckfuls of Doritos. There may be a dealer walking around DC with a pocket full of Sacagaweas, if you know what I mean.

srah | 11:43 AM | TrackBack

January 2, 2004

New Year's Festivistities

For New Year's Eve, I went to a party at Mr B------'s house. We had some drinketies and I watched the others play video games until it was determined that that was sort of BORing.

The party travelled upstairs and we watched Big Trouble in Little China, a true cinematic masterpiece wherein Kurt Russell seems to play John Wayne trapped in a kung fu movie, except that he never really does anything. His sidekick's fiancé (with "eyes like creamy jade") gets kidnapped, but he finally gets involved when his beloved truck gets stolen as well.

We watched the ball drop, drank faux-champagne ("sprankling wine", if you are me and can't speak English) then headed downstairs for more Karaoke Revolution, where I proceeded to... not win. Or maybe I did. We played several rounds and drank several drinks, so it's hard to tell now who won and who didn't, but I think we can all agree that the big winner was Admiral Ackbar.

srah | 12:16 PM | TrackBack

January 1, 2004

Now in our third January blogging...

Lookie there! That date says 2004! Hope this year will be a lovely one for all of you.

srah | 11:35 PM | TrackBack

'Everything that is, is information'

"If first you will solemnly swear, up and down and cross your heart, that you will let us go, we will give you information, information about infinite information, that is, we will make you your very own Demon of the Second Kind, which is magical and thermodynamical, nonclassical and stochastical, and from any old barrel or even a sneeze it will extract information for you about everything that was, is, may be or ever will be."
- Stanislaw Lem, The Cyberiad Stories, "The Sixth Sally, or How Trurl and Klapaucius Created a Demon of the Second Kind to Defeat the Pirate Pugg"

After having read this short story, I am somehow inspired and excited to go back to school next week. I think that we should adopt the title "Demon of the Second Kind" instead of "Information Professional".

srah | 11:28 PM | TrackBack
Tags: books

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