srah blah blah

Drug dealer

Last week, when I was sick, I made an appointment my mommy made me an appointment at the doctor's office. I couldn't get in until today, and I'm better today. But I figured I'd better go in anyway, just in case.

Some background information: I hate my doctor's office. It's actually two offices, full of staff. I've never talked to the same staff member twice, and I'm convinced they don't keep any kind of records or charts on us, because I have to answer the same questions and fill out the same forms every time I'm there. They also screwed me over on the whole Alesse thing because they're incompetent.

As I sat in the waiting room, I started to wonder why I was there. I went in to see the nurse and I think she did, too.

She had a typical medical-profession response to the situation. The situation was:

Me: I had watery eyes, sneezing, stuffy nose, runny nose, sinus pressure, sore ears, sore throat, and a cough. But I don't now. I want you to tell me what is wrong with me and then tell me if I have to do something about it. I want to be assured that it won't come back. If you can't assure me that it won't come back, I want you to tell me what to do when it does. I want you to sound like you know what you're talking about. Ideally, I would like this situation not to involve drugs.

Her: I want you out of my office.

So, drugs it is. She gave me a prescription for Allegra, even though I'm not exhibiting any symptoms anymore. Was it allergies, and the pollen has gone into hiding? Is she prescribing Allegra because she doesn't know what I have? Was it a cold and she's a quack? I'm still not clear on any of that. So... I won't be taking any Allegra unless I need it. Quack quack.

When I had the galloping crud last fall, I went to the Health Center, where they gave me Pseudo-Chlor and a flyer. The Pseudo-Chlor made me loopy enough that everyone I knew asked if I was drunk. But the flyer was the best piece of medical attention I've ever received. It was all about how when you're sick, you should inhale steam, eat soup, and eat spicy foods to clear up congestion. The advice on the flyer worked better than any medicine. So there, drug companies.

The exciting thing was that when I told her I wasn't taking the Alesse anymore, she looked through a folder in front of her, that seemed to have forms and letters from my endocrinologist and all kinds of charty goodness. They must have dug it up from the back yard, where they keep all of their files in a sophisticated pile-based organizational system.

srah - Tuesday, 3 September 2002 - 4:15 PM
Tags: allergies, doctor, health

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