11 entries from srah blah blah tagged with 'howie':


Goodbye, Little Biter

Howie1995ish - July 10, 2006 The Greatest Hits of the Demon Dog: January 2004February 2004March 2004November 2004...

srah - Tuesday, 11 July 2006 - 12:01 PM
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The stupid dog only needs to stay alive until Monday

Dear Girl Who Lives in My House, I have been studying the ways of your species for some time. I do not understand why, between roughly the hours of midnight and seven AM every night, you turn off all of the lights in the house and lie on one piece of furniture for hours on end. Perhaps it's some kind of religious ritual or you are mimicking the rising and setting of the sun, or maybe you can't afford to have the lights on all day. You can't possibly be sleeping all that time. You sleep all through the day...

srah - Saturday, 20 November 2004 - 5:09 AM
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I want to attack you... WITH LOVE!

I was taking a shower this morning when the door to the bathroom opened. I froze. I took an inventory of who it could possibly be. My dad's still in South Carolina. My sister's in Albion. My mom is supposed to be at work, and if she came home for some reason, why would she open the bathroom door while I was showering and not say anything? The same goes for Robin, who also has a key to our house. Was the front door locked? Was the back door locked? I don't know - I just got up and I...

srah - Thursday, 16 September 2004 - 10:45 AM
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Because you all like him more than me...

Dear Girl Who Lives In My House, Sit. Siiiiiiiit. Staaaaaaaaaaaaay. No, not at the computer! Bad girl! I don't feel like being in either of the rooms with computers. You really should come out to the family room and watch some TV, because I am morally obligated to be in the same room as whoever is home at all times. And I want to sleep in that room. You can't possibly have anything more important to do than inhabit the same room as me so that I can sleep! I don't think you've quite understood what I'm getting at. Sometimes...

srah - Monday, 15 March 2004 - 9:39 PM
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He types pretty well for having no thumbs

Dear srahFamily, You so crazy! I know that you just spend the whole day sleeping at your respective "jobs" and "schools". Well, that's what I do all day. Is there really anything else to do? If there is, I certainly can't think of it. But then, I do have a brain the size of a sultana*. So since you get so much sleep during the day, there's no need for you to be horizontal all night! Therefore, I suggest a plan of Paying Attention to Howie. And by "suggest," I mean "insist on." I don't know if you noticed, but...

srah - Thursday, 12 February 2004 - 1:45 PM
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Yelp!

Dear Girl Who Lives in My House, Why are you always stepping on me? You must be getting old and blind and senile, because you should always know where I am; I am right next to your feet. Or lying across the doorway when you come out of the shower with fogged-up glasses. Or standing in the middle of the hallway as the teakettle is whistling or the phone is ringing. Seriously, you'd think you'd catch on after a while! Geez, sometimes I even help you out by walking in the same direction you're going, in such a way that...

srah - Tuesday, 13 January 2004 - 10:12 AM
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Thanksgiving injury

That stupid f***ing dog bit me! My foot is not bleeding, but he did break the skin. Now maybe someone will believe me when I say he's evil. Why do we let this horrible biting beast live in our house?...

srah - Thursday, 27 November 2003 - 4:05 PM
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To the other partner in this relationship

I really can't stand it anymore. You are way too clingy and it's driving me out of my mind. Do you have to be with me every minute of the day? Do you have to follow me around everywhere I go? Do you have to cry when I leave or when I refuse to let you into my room? Why can't you take a hint? I spend the whole day insulting you and ignoring you, but you persist. I don't want to have anything to do with you! I don't think you even like me that much, so maybe that's...

srah - Monday, 1 September 2003 - 1:19 PM
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Who are you and what are you doing in my house?

My errand o' the day was to pick Howie up at the groomer's. "Groomer's". Sounds fancy. Perhaps I should say "Haircutting Place". Or "Furcutting". I wouldn't call this place a "Groomer's" because he always ends up looking like a cross between a rat and a lizard. A tangential story about the Furcutting Place is that it's in a building that until recently was some kind of Asian Health Spa or something that got shut down when it was revealed as a brothel. After the Furcutters moved in, they kept getting boxes of high-heeled shoes in the mail. Back to story....

srah - Friday, 6 September 2002 - 3:31 PM
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We stand on God guard for thee

My family is in Toronto this week, so the devil dog has gone to stay with Grandma and Grandpa. I'm sure he is on a hunger strike, as he does that whenever he is separated from my father. Well, he tries. Eventually he gets hungry and gives up and eats. But he wants Daddy to know that he's upset about being abandoned. I almost feel sorry for him....

srah - Tuesday, 2 April 2002 - 7:28 PM
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Graduation countdown: 50 days

It struck me during Computer Science class that I had not done this when I woke up this morning. I was going to do it on Grenoble, but the Friday Five inspires me to do it on another topic... 50 days. Freshman year, Dively came to Ann Arbor to visit me over Spring Break. We planned to go out and spend the whole day exploring Ann Arbor. Well, we didn't quite manage that. Jen did spend the whole day in Ann Arbor, but not quite as planned. She was playing with the devil dog Howie when something freaked him out...

srah - Friday, 15 March 2002 - 11:49 AM
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