Real* Stories of the Doctor's Office

I finally went to the doctor to have my malady checked out. I expressed my concerns to the nurse that it could be an infection or pinkeye or a scratch on my eye or Mad Cow Disease or encephalitis or zombiism.

She took a look at the inside of my eyelid and decided that irrigation was in order. When I hear irrigation, I think about things like redirecting the Nile in order to water crops. This is clearly the same image that she had, as she seems to have redirected the Nile into my eye.

She threw me down on the table and started pouring saline solution on my eye. It rolled out of my eyes, down my cheeks, down my neck, into my nose and into my mouth. I sputtered and choked as she tried to drown me.

"YOU WANT MORE OF THAT, BITCH?" she screamed as I struggled for life. "YOUR EYE DOESN'T FEEL SO IRRITATED NOW, DOES IT?!"

"Well actually, now it's sort of burning--"

"GUESS YOU NEED A LITTLE MORE, THEN!" she screamed, throwing me back on the table and dribbling more drops in my eye. "HOW'S THAT? STILL IRRITATED?" she mocked.

"Uh, no," I lied, holding my eye in the socket, "That feels so much better! Thank you so much! Please stop!"

Actually, it does feel all better now... must be the thought of returning for more "doctoring" that made my hypochondria suddenly clear up.

* This story may or may not be true. The facts have been changed to protect the innocent and because I have been so boring lately I have to make up lies.

srah - Monday, 5 January 2004 - 2:22 PM
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Comments (7)

gravatar katie - January 5, 2004 - 2:50 PM -


I am wondering how exactly much of this story is fabricated. Are you even real?

gravatar richard - January 5, 2004 - 3:12 PM -

If you've got that on video, I'll rent it.

gravatar katie - January 5, 2004 - 3:59 PM -

Now come on, knock it off, Richard-of-the-Dirty-Mind.

gravatar Ali - January 5, 2004 - 9:18 PM -

No way! We totally have the same doctor!

gravatar srah - January 5, 2004 - 10:39 PM -

The dialogue and violence were slightly exaggerated...

gravatar Mr. Hibbity Gibbity - January 6, 2004 - 9:26 AM -


Stop! You're making me laugh at work. If they find out, they'll send me to 'doctor' too.


Sometimes, I think life would be much more interesting and funny if it really were like this. Not all the time, mind you, but just enough to make things interesting. Hehe.

gravatar Mr. Hibbity Gibbity - January 6, 2004 - 9:27 AM -

Me obviosly cn't speel or tipe today.

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