August 2007 archive

(19 entries)

August 31, 2007

Mystery Library Theatre 2007

I frequently get to play a game called "Now Why Did I Rent This Again?" This happens because I am too cheap frugal to get a Netflix account or go to my local video rental store, so I use the library for all of my video rental needs. The library system around here has a pretty awesome selection, which is nice, but they don't have many copies of anything. This means that I tend to request something in, say, June and I am put on the reserves list but it doesn't get to me until August, because everyone on the list can keep it for up to a month if they want (I am 140th in line for Spider-Man 3 already and it hasn't even come out on DVD yet... but I'm hoping they'll have more than one copy of that one).

So apparently a couple of months ago I reserved season 5 of CSI. I never really watch CSI, but I remembered that the reason that I reserved it was that someone did a guest appearance that I wanted to see. IMDb has a handy episode cast list page which helped me narrow down the suspects, so I'm pretty sure that I reserved it for Jason Segel, who was in three episodes of that season. But my search through the cast lists revealed that this season included appearances by Melora Hardin, Wil Wheaton, Tony Curtis, Frank Gorshin, Clark Duke, Nicholas Lea, America Ferrera, John Krasinski and Bart the Bear, my favorite ursine thespian. I wonder if all seasons of CSI have such great collections of talent. Maybe I should be watching this show.

Now I am off to see what kind of stalker Jason Segel plays in this show.

srah | 7:55 PM
Tags: csi, dvd, jason segel, library, tv

August 29, 2007

Carl Kasell, eat your heart out

What a marvelous food is the waffle
As are soup and french fries and falafel
But while muttar paneer
Makes me drool in my kheer
"Cock-a-leekie" makes me want to rofl.

srah | 5:19 PM
Tags: food, limerick, poetry

August 26, 2007

Bake me a cake, ya filthy animal

Guess whose birthday it is today? Yes, that's right. Once again, it's...

srah | 1:00 AM
Tags: birthday, holidays, macaulay culkin

August 24, 2007

LOLsrah strikes again

I don't have a cat, so I have to make LOLpeople.

Iz mai not-birthday!

Previous explanation of srah's Not Birthday can be found here and here.

Edit: Katie's cat, Flakey, would like to add his Not Birthday wishes, lolcat stylee:

Flakey's well-wishes

srah | 6:53 AM
Tags: holidays, not birthday, rupert grint

August 21, 2007

Where'd you get those groceries? The... toilet store?

I know you were all on the edges of your respective seats about this one, but the results are in and America's Best Restroom is... Jungle Jim's International Market in Fairfield, OH.

According to a very excited and proud email I got from the Jungle Jim's mailing list this afternoon, the other finalists were:

2. Catch 31, Virginia Beach, VA
3. Mix Lounge at Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, NV
4. Vermont Marble Museum, Proctor, VT
5. Fandangles', Flushing, MI (seriously? Did they just pick it because it's in Flushing?)

I have to be a little suspicious about the results, though, because the contest is sponsored by a Cincinnati-based company: Cintas. Did they just pick the restroom that was closest? Because that's the way people usually choose restrooms. So I expect all my Virginia, Nevada, Vermont and Michigan readers to do some research for me on exactly how great these runner-up restrooms are.

Now I am off to the toilet store to do some grocery shopping.

srah | 5:37 PM
Tags: links, restrooms

August 18, 2007


I had a nightmare last night where I found another Chinese restaurant in srahtown. It's not that I dislike Chinese food - it's just that Chinese and Mexican are all the "ethnic" food we've got in town and I think we could stand to diversify. I was driving around srahtown with my family and kept finding all of these stores and restaurants that I think are standard for srahtown in my dreams, although they don't exist in real life. In my dreams, srahtown seems to be an old-timey Wild West town that is going to be a ghost town at any moment, but no one except me realizes it. Also, in the dream I totally put my feet in the Chinese restaurant's rolling ice cream freezer and squished them around in the ice cream like Harpo in the lemonade in Duck Soup. That was pretty awesome because I will never do that in real life, but I got to "feel" it in my dream!

(See 4:20 for the lemonade scene)

srah | 9:17 AM
Tags: dream, duck soup, movies, srahtown

August 17, 2007

I sink a few more ships, it's true, than a well-bred monarch ought to do

I couldn't decide whether this post belonged here or at This is awesome! but This is awesome! won out, since the list was video-based. Go there and read about the Top 10 Dreamiest Sea Captains (or at least the 10 dreamiest on YouTube). You know you want to!

srah | 10:25 PM
Tags: links, this is awesome!

August 16, 2007

... did someone say they wanted toast?

To whom it may concern:

Let it be known that Zingerman's Bakehouse is baking their Green Olive Paesano Loaf this weekend. This bread only comes about twice a year as a special bake and I am very fortunately on their call-list but very unfortunately located in Ohio. So all you Ann Arborites, go and buy up this delicious bread this weekend and think of me as you chew. And try not to spew. You can also call ahead and have them reserve a loaf for you.

Yay Zingerman's!

srah | 7:47 PM
Tags: ann arbor, food, zingerman's

Chocolate Rain!

I don't normally like to post about products in my blog because it feels like I'm selling something. But I want everyone to know what delicious chocolate things I am enjoying right now! Wheeee! I feel like Mindy Kaling.

No Sugar Added Fudgsicles are theeeeeeee greatest thing ever. I can't stop eating them, which is okay because they only have 10g of carbohydrates (2g of sugar). Wheeee! Guilt-free sweets! They are artificially sweetened, but don't taste like artificial sweetener. This is good because I hate artificial sweeteners. The only side effect that I've found so far is that they cause me to talk about fudgsicles too much, which causes my family to say "fudgicles" over and over again. My family is a bunch of Poindexters.

I approve of this product.Mocha Cappucino Swiss Miss is sadly hard to find. That is what I want for my birthday, please. I know it exists because my grandma gave me some for Christmas, but it doesn't seem to exist around me. :( I am down to two packets. Whatever will I dooooooooooooo?

srah | 7:41 PM
Tags: food, reviews

Monkeys' brains, while popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found... in Washington D.C.!

As you may know, I went to Maryland/DC a few weekends ago to visit Katie and Cheryl and use some of the vacation time I've been building up. Photos are here!


I flew to Baltimore, which makes me think of Hairspray. Katie and I had dinner and bubble tea and... I can't remember what else we did. We must have just sat around talking until midnight!


Some people need information procured for themOn Saturday Katie and had a nice late morning (which was good for recovering from a long Friday at work and sitting near teenagers while waiting for my flight) then set off for Washington, D.C. We originally planned to go on a tour of the Capitol, but by 11am, it was already sold out for the rest of the day. So we looked at the map to see what else was in the area and decided to go to the Library of Congress instead. Neither of us had been there, both of us had library degrees... it seemed appropriate. The building was very nice and there was lots of interesting artwork. The Library of Congress is a huge shrine to knowledge and learning, and every little bit of the art inside seems to reflect this.

After the LoC (as we close personal friends of the library like to call it), Katie and I took the Metro out to Virginia to go to a BBQ that Cheryl had invited to. Katie and I played Flip Cup for the first time, but we played on opposite teams so that the fact that we were drinking water instead of beer wouldn't handicap one team or the other. I think I still got drunk, though, because I was acting pretty silly and all that water made me sort of sick. The other FlipCuppers called me Haiku because of my t-shirt.


Alligators in the National AquariumOn Sunday, Katie and I got bubble tea (excuuuuuse me, "Zhenzhou Pearls") at Teaism near the Navy Memorial (which I kept trying to call "Navy Pier") then met up with Cheryl to go to the National Aquarium. The National Aquarium was a little disappointing, in that it was small and under construction (therefore many things were missing or mis-labeled) and un-free, unlike most of the museums in DC. The fish and other water creatures were pretty cute, though, EXCEPT FOR the spiny lobster. That thing was not cute. I did not like it. Make the scary thing go away.

We all left the aquarium craving seafood and I felt that as long as I was visiting the area, it was my duty to eat crab cakes. So I had a crab cake sandwich and garlic fries for lunch. A good time was had by all.

Next we went to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum. It was a good museum and very interesting. I guess I just wish we'd had more time and fewer obnoxious whining children who were being forced by their parents to attend. I've heard a lot of people talk about the exhibit of shoes as being the most moving part of the museum. I'm wondering if we missed that part, because I saw a pile of shoes, but it wasn't particularly large or moving. I personally was most touched by the boxcar that you walked through, which represented the boxcars in which people were shipped to concentration camps. They only had tiny little slivers between some of the boards where light and fresh air could get through. It reminded me of The Devil's Arithmetic. Altogether, I didn't feel like the museum was the sort of harrowing learning experience that I had built it up to be. I kind of wonder sometimes if I'm Holocausted out because I went through a period in elementary/middle school when I was sort of obsessed with reading about WWII and the Holocaust and I've always sort of been interested in that era. I guess there wasn't a whole lot in the museum that surprised me - more just little bits of knowledge that I didn't have, about Nazi occupation in Norway, Nazi propaganda directed toward children and the way Nazi ideals crept into European thought and policy so slowly that you might not notice that your rights were being threatened until it was too late.

The original idea for the day was that we would go to the aquarium, the Holocaust Museum, then the zoo, thereby sandwiching the harrowing realism with cute animals. Time and rain prevented a zoo trip, though, and Katie and I made our way to the AFI Theater in Silver Springs to watch Lawrence of Arabia. I actually found Lawrence of Arabia more moving and thought-provoking than the Holocaust Museum, but I think that's partially because I was a lot more ignorant about the subject. I enjoyed it. I laughed. I cried every time there was a sweeping desert landscape because I am a big weenie like that. I know I've seen it before, but it's been several years and I don't think I've seen it all in one sitting. We almost didn't see it all in one sitting this time, either, because the sound cut out just as they were about to attack Aqaba, but someone came along and fixed and rewound it so we got to hear the battle as well.


"Lisp" by Edward RuschaMonday morning I set off for DC while Katie went to work, so I had my first experience of this trip riding the Metro alone. It was uneventful, which is good. First I went to the National Gallery of Art. What I didn't know - and what my guidebook didn't tell me - was that I probably should have been at the Smithsonian American Art Museum because that's where the National Portrait Gallery is. All in all, I am very confused with all the museums and also convinced that most of the good art is in New York. I was not terribly impressed with the National Gallery, but I think part of that was because my wanderings through the museum took me through the museum store early-on and I kept looking for works of art that they sold merchandise based on, but did not actually house in the museum (e.g. Magritte).

When I was done with the National Gallery, Cheryl took the afternoon off from slicing up monkey brains and met me for lunch. We got pita sandwiches and went to go eat them on campus, where we were attacked by an overly-friendly squirrel.

Some sort of birdThen Cheryl and I went to the National Zoo, where we saw many interesting furry animals (not including the majestic moose) and educated each other on animal-trivia. I seem to remember making the broad sweeping statement once that a zoo with no giraffe was not a zoo. The National Zoo's giraffe is out on hiatus right now while they renovate the elephant quarters, so apparently we didn't go to the zoo after all.

After that we went shopping, then stopped for a drink to rest my poor, tired feet. I got 30,000 steps that day! Fortunately Katie didn't have anything too taxing in mind for the evening - she made me dinner (thank you!) and we watched Vertigo, which thoroughly confused us both (even though I've seen it before!).


CapitolI got off the Metro at the Archives/Navy Memorial stop so I could get more bubble tea. Darn you, Teaism. You are so delicious. Then I walked to the Capitol, where on a weekday you can get tour tickets much more easily. I had a little more time between my ticket-collecting and my actual tour than I would have liked, but that gave me a little time to finish drinking all of the liquids I had with me, find a trash can for the bottles (no empty bottles allowed in the Capitol! I'm glad I didn't bring my Nalgene!), watch police block off the lower part of the Capitol lawn so that a suspiciously abandoned backpack could be detonated, realize I had just downed a whole lot of liquids at once, go across the street to the building where the offices of U.S. Representatives are, go through security in that building so that I could go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom, sit in the sun for a while, sit in the shade for a while, line up and go through security again. Ah, Washington. The tour was pretty nice. It was free and there were sculptures of important people from all the states, like Michigan's Zachariah Chandler. I love Zachariah Chandler! Whoever he is. Other states had much more interesting representatives like Samuel Adams (Massachusetts), Kamehameha I (Hawaii), Robert Livingston's Going To Pop a Cork (New York), Caesar Rodney (Delaware), Will Rogers (Oklahoma), Sakakawea (North Dakota), Sarah Winnemucca (Nevada), and Jason Lee (Oregon). Wait, wrong Jason Lee. My camera battery died right when we arrived in the Rotunda, so the last picture I have from my trip is this lame touristy picture of the Capitol building (at left).

After the tour, Cheryl arrived at the Capitol with a picnic lunch, so we sat on the Capitol grounds and ate lunch. Then we set off for the Botanic Garden. That was very nice, but I don't really know anything about plants so it wasn't as fun as the zoo giraffeless animal park. Then we went to the Museum of Natural History. We saw the tiny display about human evolution, all the exhibits that are rather strangely placed right next to each other with no segue, so that you jump from an exhibit about Neanderthals to an exhibit about 20th century Africa, or from Sikhs to insects. We saw lots of bones and models and things and the Hope Diamond, which was not that exciting. The Tiffany Diamond was better. I agree with Anne of Green Gables:

I think amethysts are just sweet. They are what I used to think diamonds were like. Long ago, before I had ever seen a diamond, I read about them and I tried to imagine what they would be like. I thought they would be lovely glimmering purple stones. When I saw a real diamond in a lady's ring one day I was so disappointed I cried. Of course, it was very lovely but it wasn't my idea of a diamond.

I'm more partial to garnets and sapphires myself, rather than Anne's taste for purple stones, but the idea is the same. Diamonds are so clear and white. I have the same problem with opals, which I always imagined to look something like mother-of-pearl, but which look like costume jewelry covered in glitter in real life.

When we finished at the Museum of Natural History, we got back on the Metro and I went back to Maryland. I stopped in and visited Katie at work, then we walked back to her apartment to collect my stuff and go to the airport. Word to the wise: Do not fly out of BWI concourse D. The food selection is terrible!

Anyway, I had a lovely time, thanks in particular to my lovely hostesses. And now I have finally told you about it!

srah | 6:17 PM
Tags: anne of green gables, jewelry, travel, walking, washington d.c.

Wheeee! Politics just got easy!

Boing Boing posted a link this week to a chart of 2008 presidential candidates' stances on various issues. Bah. It is too early for that nonsense and chaaaaarts are so haaaaaard to reeeeeead.

What's that? There's an online quiz? Well, why didn't you say so?

My top 3, apparently:

  1. Kucinich - 28 points
    Once again, Kucinich comes in at the top. He will never ever win, but he keeps trying. You go, little gnome! I voted for him in the Michigan Democratic primary three and a half years ago. Yes, it was a throwaway vote (If I remember correctly, Kucinich came in dead last in Michigan. I think Al Sharpton had twice as many votes as him) but I didn't like any of the others any better. Anyway, he's not going to win this time. In fact, he doesn't even exist.
  2. Gravel - 25 points
    I've never heard of Gravel. My extensive research tells me he's from Alaska. Unfortunately my vast knowledge of Alaskan senators prejudices me against him. Why are there so many candidates in this stupid race?
  3. Obama - 22 points
    Meh. Wake me up in about six months to learn what the heck the voting process is in this state. I'll have a mint julep and do some research then.

Hurrah for political apathy. Zzzzzzz.

srah | 5:54 PM
Tags: election 2008, politics, voting

August 14, 2007


I had a dream last night where I had just moved into a new apartment across the street from my parents' house. In the dream, I woke up at 7:30 and had to be at work at 8, but friends and family kept coming into my house to slow me down and I felt it was very important to put all of my welcome mats out before I left for work, which took a long time because I had a seemingly endless supply of welcome mats and doors to put them in front of. The owners of the apartment hadn't cleared it out completely before I moved in, so I kept finding tools (and welcome mats) that belonged to the old tenant(s). Another strange thing about this apartment was that it was not accessible from all directions. You could only see it when you were coming from the north, so if you were coming from my parents' house across the street, you would have to head up the street then turn back around. It was sort of like a strange Harry Potter charm.

srah | 6:12 PM
Tags: apartment, dream

August 9, 2007

'He reminds me of my father.' 'Was your father ugly?'

Before I set out on my walk tonight, I went through my purse and decided what to throw into my backpack.

  • Wallet, since I didn't know which direction I was going to go and I might need to buy something to drink in this heat.
  • Cell phone, mostly so I could call people while I walk and forget that I'm walking.
  • Keys to get in and out of my apartment.
  • Camera... I never know whether to bring my camera, because it's extra weight that I don't need to carry but on the other hand, I always seem to need it when I don't have it. But back on that first hand again, I hardly ever see anything particularly interesting when I go on my walks.

Maybe you should take it, my brain told me. You might see a deer.

A deer?, I thought back. Why would there be deer here in the middle of town? It's not like I live next to a meadow out on the outskirts of town anymore. And why do I want a picture of a dumb deer anyway?

So I set off on my walk without my camera. I got about halfway around the circle I was making when I saw some hindquarters sticking out from behind a tree.

Jesus Christ, I thought, That is a freaking enormous dog. That dog's hindquarters have to be, like, four feet tall.

I started to panic when I noticed that there was no fence to keep the huge dog in, but then I also started to notice that the hindquarters were awfully delicate for a dog, so I inched forward and - sure enough - it was a deer. It wouldn't be so strange, except that it was the exact example that my brain had chosen for "exciting thing that I could see on my walk." I stared at the deer for a while and the deer stared back. I didn't know what to do! I couldn't take a picture of it. There was no one else on the road so I couldn't point and say, "Hey look! A deer!" which was my only other plan and the only other way for me to say "Hey! This is my deer. I found it. It's mine. I have a deer." So I stared a little longer. I would like to say it was like the moving scene in The Queen where Queen Elizabeth II stares down a stag on the grounds of Balmoral, but it was much more like John Cleese bonding with zoo animals in Fierce Creatures. I am more John Cleese than Helen Mirren, I'm afraid.

Eventually I had to stop staring at the deer, because he seemed to have no plans to go anywhere and one of us had to make the first move. So I started walking again. About six houses down, another deer came running through the front yard, bounded across the street and ran down into the back yard of another house. It was a deer infestation and I didn't have my camera!

Now I will be sure to take my camera along whenever I go for a walk. That will ensure that I will never see anything interesting on a walk ever again.

srah | 9:02 PM
Tags: deer, srahtown, walking

Know ye not, oh rash ones, that you have doomed it to extermination?

Reading through the IMDb message board for The Pirates of Penzance¹, I found that someone had posted the address of Universal Studios' contact form, encouraging other fans to ask Universal to release Pirates on DVD.

This is what I wrote:

Please release The Pirates of Penzance on DVD!

I was at a video rental store this weekend and discovered that they had phased out their VHS rentals in favor of DVDs. As VHS is phased out, so - sadly - is The Pirates of Penzance, as that is the only version of the movie that is currently available. Generations will now miss out on The Pirates of Penzance and on a great introduction to the works of Gilbert and Sullivan.

It is a funny and clever movie and a cult classic among G&S fans. Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings is also looking for a DVD version²:

Please release The Pirates of Penzance on DVD and make it available for future generations!

It was only after I submitted the form that I realized my plea would have been much more entertaining (and potentially effective) in the form of a GilbertandSullivanian patter song, but alas it was too late. So I share instead with you folks.

My eyes are fully open to my awful situation -
I shall go at once to Universal; make them an oration.
I shall tell them I am saddened that I cannot buy this movie
And I don't know what to do; to sit and cry would not behoove me
I would tell them that I liked the rabbit-film with Jimmy Stewart;
Of The Office, Flower Drum Song and The Mummy I'm a viewer
And a word or two of compliment their vanity would flatter,
But they will not heed this message, so it really doesn't matter!

Oh, this is not a little matter, generally silly
I won't give them my advice upon the subject willy-nilly;
I will show them in a moment how to grapple with the question,
And they'll really be astonished at the force of my suggestion.
On the subject I shall write them a most valuable email,
Full of excellent suggestions from a Pirates-loving female
I will tell them there are fans of Gilbert-Sullivan who need it
And they'd make a lot of money if they only DVDed it!³

For those of you who have no opinion on Pirates of Penzance yet, watch these videos of Kevin Kline in thigh-high boots and see if that changes your mind:

¹ I have no life.

² Technically it was Ken Jennings' father-in-law, but I waive that point. I do not press it. I look over it.

³ I have no life.

srah | 5:21 PM
Tags: dvd, gilbert and sullivan, my favorite posts, open letters, parodies, the pirates of penzance, universal pictures

August 8, 2007

Did you troy the pline cike?

It's going to take me a while to tell you all about my weekend in DC, but in the meantime I will give you a short post to tide you over:

I am very boring and like plain cake doughnuts the best. Powdered sugar gets everywhere and chokes you when you inhale it. Glazed doughnuts are sticky. Doughnuts with filling explode all over you, and the cavity in the middle is never exactly centered, which bothers srah more than it should. The doughnut shop in Srahtown only sells glazed doughnuts. It makes srah sad and fits into her assertion that Ohio likes to put frosting and icing where it doesn't belong. However, srah found plain cake doughnuts at Kroger today on the way to work! Hooray for srah. I think it will be a good day.

What is your favorite kind of doughnut, o reader?

srah | 12:05 PM
Tags: doughnuts, food, frosting, ohio, srahtown

August 1, 2007

'Now I've got this dumb look on my face'

The day is nigh!

Trapped in the Closet Chapters 13-22 will be released August 21!

Stereogum has an awesome preview, but it also contains a LOT of spoilers for chapters 1-12. It's really something that you don't want to have spoiled, because there are so many cliffhangers. So if you've seen the first 12 chapters, proceed to Stereogum. If you haven't, well, the DVD is really the best way to experience Trapped in the Closet (the director's commentary is priceless) but YouTube will do if you can't get to the DVD.

Here are the first 5 chapters:

For the other chapters, go here.

srah | 11:09 PM
Tags: dvd, movies, trapped in the closet

It's reported you've been Cruciatin' Muggles and elves and runnin' wild

As I have previously stated, my future hypothetical wizard rock band will be called Washing Ron's Underpants¹. I was thinking about Washing Ron's Underpants² as I was driving back down to Ohio on Monday because I was running my mp3 player through my car speakers and "Harper Valley PTA" came on³. Normally this wouldn't have anything to do with Harry Potter, but for some reason when I went to sing the line "This is just a little Peyton Place and you're all Harper Valley hypocrites," it came out "you're all Harper Valley hippogriffs."

Then the next song was "Help Me Rhonda." As I have blogged before, thanks to Dave Barry and Harry Potter, I sometimes sing "Help Me Rhonda" as "Help Me Ron," a Harry Potter-themed parody of the Beach Boys song. Two Harry Potter songs in a row! It must be some sort of sign! So I have decided that Washing Ron's Underpants is going to be the fourth most popular Harry Potter parody/cover band in New Zealand.

I may need some help, though, because I can't sing or play any instruments or read or write music and so far the only lyrics I've come up with are the two above, plus:

The Burrow has a crowd. There's always something happening and it's usually quite loud.
Harry, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Harry? You've been hit by - you've been struck by... a smooth criminal.
He seems to have an invisible cloak, yeah. You reach around, but can't grab hold of his arm.

There is still much work to be done.

For wizard rock that is better (and more original) than mine, try Draco and the Malfoys or The Hermione Crookshanks Experience.

¹ Or Lovegoods Drink Booger Tea.

² That's "Washing Ron's Underpants," not "washing Ron's underpants."

³ I think I am now The Blogger Who Has Mentioned The Song "Harper Valley PTA" More Frequently Than All Other Bloggers. Do I get some kind of award?

srah | 5:38 PM
Tags: harry potter, lyrics, music, parodies, wizard rock

Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem

On the subject of visits to medical professionals, I recently went to the dentist. I have seen a lot of my dentist in the last year or so, what with the fact that I kind of sort of put off going to the dentist for almost two years when I moved here. In the almost two years between cleanings, I developed cavities in all four quadrants of my mouth, so I've had four appointments for fillings in the last six months.

And now cleaning time has rolled around again and she found a few more cavities to fill. I think there are only four cavities in three quadrants this time, and apparently they're things that were "on watch" six months ago, so I'm still reaping the punishments for my lax dental maintenance from before, rather than developing new ones (*fingers crossed*).

Let that be a lesson to you, children! Although I actually find fillings more enjoyable than dental cleanings, they are significantly more expensive. Especially when your dental insurance decides that you've had enough dental work for a year and they won't support your frivolous cavity-fillings anymore. Who do you think you are, anyway? Having teeth problems? And you expect dental insurance to cover that? Don't make me laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Anyway, I didn't intend this post to be a tirade against my stupid mouth¹, but rather an Ode to My Family Ode to My Dentist. Here is why I like going to the dentist:

  1. Of the six times I've been to this dentist, I only had my teeth cruelly cleaned twice. That's a pretty good average. I hate teeth-cleanings so much. I hate the vibrations and the picking and the poking and the x-rays. Please give me some procedure where you will numb my mouth and I will have to take loads of Motrin later when the numbness wears off. It is so much better than the poking and the picking and the noggins and the friggins.
  2. My dentist has a better sense of humor than my doctor. When she told me that she was a math teacher before becoming a dentist, I told her that I wouldn't hold either of her career choices against her and she laughed. So there, Doctor! I am funny after all!
  3. This hasn't happened to me, but my boss tells me that whenever he goes to this same dentist, he seems to leave with an armful of free vegetables.
  4. My dentist is a trivia buff, so when I go to visit her, I save up trivia questions to try to stump her and the rest of the office, and she tells me little factoids that she thinks I would be interested in, or tries to stump me and measures my guessing-time against other patients.
  5. My dentist (and her receptionist) recognize me when I walk in the door AND remember what we talked about last time I was in.

That last one is the most important of all. When I was in high school, one of my group's greatest goals was To Become Regulars Somewhere. We wanted to go where everybody knew our name and were always glad we came, which is no short order for a gaggle of teenagers. I think we were hoping that we would acquire our own "local hangout" à la The Max or The Peach Pit. So we would go to somewhere (most memorably, the Loving Spoonful ice cream shop on Main Street) every week on the same day at the same time, waiting for someone to recognize us, but they never did. Alas. But now I am starting to discover that one of the charms of small-town life is that you can become a regular somewhere, and you don't have to become a star of your very own television teen drama in order to do it.

Nowadays, I walk into the dentist's office and the receptionist says, "Hi, Sarah. Have a seat and she'll be right with you." I go into the auto repair/oil change place and they recognize me by name and make/model. I go to the library and certain circulation desk clerks know that I always have something on reserve, so they head off toward the reserve shelves as soon as I approach the desk and pick my books up without even looking up my name.

I have to say, though, that being a regular at the library is a lot less expensive than being a regular demolisher of teeth and cars.

¹ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is totally an accident that I found an Anne of Green Gables fan video while searching for the John Mayer song. An accident... of AWESOME proportions!

srah | 4:46 PM
Tags: beverly hills 90210, dentist, saved by the bell, srahtown, tv

Giving my doctor the finger

On the fourth of July, I cut my finger while chopping vegetables. I cleaned it up, bandaged it, and went back to work. I cut myself right across the knuckle, unfortunately, so I kept either reopening it or trying to hold my finger completely still so it wouldn't reopen. Then, the following weekend I ran my finger into the bedpost in some kind of flailing incident¹. I happened to hit the same finger and the same knuckle I had already injured days before.

WTF is wrong with my finger?The following week, my knuckle turned purplish and swelled up. Just as I was about to go to the doctor, it seemed to go back to normal, so I ignored it. Then the week after that it turned purple and swollen² again so I finally gave in and went to the doctor, hoping that she could tell me whether it was an infection or a sprain or a bruise or ebola or encephalitis or government-created killer nanorobot infection and - following that - what I could do to make it all better. Of course, by that time it had de-purpled itself (see photo) so it was just sort of an oddly-shaped lump on my knuckle.

The doctor walked into the office and sat down to examine the Dreaded Finger. I presented my hand and she looked down at it.

"Which finger are we looking at?" she asked.

Why it should be obvious! It is the knuckle that is slightly bumpier than the others! Suddenly I had a flashback to my last visit to the same doctor and realized that - yes, I am The Insane Hypochondriac who keeps showing up for random minor complaints that I think are a lot more serious than they actually are. Maybe I can come in next time with a possible cobra bite that turns out to have been from a mosquito.

Anyway, she poked and prodded for a while, then said that it could be infected or it could just be an inflammation from when I bumped it. Thanks, doctor. Those were the two (realistic) conclusions that I had come to, myself. So she recommended that I take antibiotics and an over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medicine like Motrin. Before prescribing the antibiotic, she asked me, "Is there a chance you could be pregnant?" I looked down at my finger and said, "No. But... well, I'm not a doctor, but from everything I've heard, you usually get a bump somewhere else from that." I suggested that she could become rich and famous by writing up the case of the pregnant-finger-girl in all of the medical journals, but then she ruined all my fun by explaining that she only asked because it could affect what she prescribed in the way of antibiotics. Sigh. Now I am The Insane Hypochondriac Who Thinks She's Funny.

¹ I seem to have a lot of those.

² That's what she said.

srah | 12:46 PM
Tags: doctor, finger, hypochondria

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