Giving my doctor the finger

On the fourth of July, I cut my finger while chopping vegetables. I cleaned it up, bandaged it, and went back to work. I cut myself right across the knuckle, unfortunately, so I kept either reopening it or trying to hold my finger completely still so it wouldn't reopen. Then, the following weekend I ran my finger into the bedpost in some kind of flailing incident¹. I happened to hit the same finger and the same knuckle I had already injured days before.

WTF is wrong with my finger?The following week, my knuckle turned purplish and swelled up. Just as I was about to go to the doctor, it seemed to go back to normal, so I ignored it. Then the week after that it turned purple and swollen² again so I finally gave in and went to the doctor, hoping that she could tell me whether it was an infection or a sprain or a bruise or ebola or encephalitis or government-created killer nanorobot infection and - following that - what I could do to make it all better. Of course, by that time it had de-purpled itself (see photo) so it was just sort of an oddly-shaped lump on my knuckle.

The doctor walked into the office and sat down to examine the Dreaded Finger. I presented my hand and she looked down at it.

"Which finger are we looking at?" she asked.

Why it should be obvious! It is the knuckle that is slightly bumpier than the others! Suddenly I had a flashback to my last visit to the same doctor and realized that - yes, I am The Insane Hypochondriac who keeps showing up for random minor complaints that I think are a lot more serious than they actually are. Maybe I can come in next time with a possible cobra bite that turns out to have been from a mosquito.

Anyway, she poked and prodded for a while, then said that it could be infected or it could just be an inflammation from when I bumped it. Thanks, doctor. Those were the two (realistic) conclusions that I had come to, myself. So she recommended that I take antibiotics and an over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medicine like Motrin. Before prescribing the antibiotic, she asked me, "Is there a chance you could be pregnant?" I looked down at my finger and said, "No. But... well, I'm not a doctor, but from everything I've heard, you usually get a bump somewhere else from that." I suggested that she could become rich and famous by writing up the case of the pregnant-finger-girl in all of the medical journals, but then she ruined all my fun by explaining that she only asked because it could affect what she prescribed in the way of antibiotics. Sigh. Now I am The Insane Hypochondriac Who Thinks She's Funny.

¹ I seem to have a lot of those.

² That's what she said.

srah - Wednesday, 1 August 2007 - 12:46 PM
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Comments (8)

gravatar John - August 1, 2007 - 1:47 PM -

If you read the title of this post and then the title of the preceding post, you get ... well, check it out for yourself.

gravatar srah - August 1, 2007 - 2:54 PM -

LOLZ!

gravatar Jennie - August 1, 2007 - 7:09 PM -

I think you're funny, so you can tell your doctor that.

gravatar alfie - August 1, 2007 - 9:25 PM -

HA!

Also, that's what I told you. I told you the same thing as the doctor and Mom, more than a week before you asked either. Also, I do not want to see my new niece or nephew of the finger.

gravatar Cheryl - August 2, 2007 - 8:10 AM -

Um, it *is* a little strange that you said that to your doctor...although maybe you guys are really close since you do visit somewhat regularly, Crazy.

gravatar cdp - August 2, 2007 - 9:47 AM -

I guess it's a good thing he didn't ask if you like the muppets...

gravatar srah - August 2, 2007 - 1:49 PM -

Indeed.

gravatar bob - August 8, 2007 - 10:13 AM -

you make me laugh. I'm the same way. I'm seeing the dr. for some strange headaches on thurs. And I'm sure he'll just tell me to correct my posture and stop drinking so much. Imagine that!

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