Good luck finding something to read on the Internet today. We will have to depend on the rest of the world to create content while America is busy stuffing itself and its turkeys and eagles and seals, etc. So American readers, if you are reading this today, get the hell off the Internet and get back to your patriotic duty of gorging yourself. International readers, if you are reading this today, get the hell on the Internet and write me something to read tomorrow when I'm rolling around and moaning and clutching my swollen stomach....
I received an email from my dad this morning: Subject: This is what you are getting for ChristmasMessage body: We saw an ad for this on TV and thought it was much more useful than a GPS When I clicked on the link, this is what I saw:...
For almost a year now, I've been planning to dress up as the girl from the Cake song Short Skirt/Long Jacket for Halloween, but when Halloween finally came around, everyone I know was out of town, so there were no Halloween parties to go to. I'm a bit disappointed, but at least I knew that far enough in advance that the only aspect of the costume I'd bought was nail polish for my "fingernails that shine like justice." Next year for Halloween, I want to be either Freddie Mercury or Luna Lovegood. My sister has suggested that I combine the...
It's Macaulay Culkin's birthday! (Oh yeah, and mine.) Thank you all for celebrating it with us in such a festive, moustachioed manner, and for subjecting your family members and household objects to the festivities as well:...
This is coming in just under the wire for my Not Birthday! Sorry I missed your birthday in GMT, Rupes!...
[to the tune of "Pour, oh pour the pirate sherry" from The Pirates of Penzance] Now your birthday's finally fêted, Hope your birthday was a blast Sorry wishes are belated Sorry that your birthday's passed. I remembered two days prior Months before, remembered too On your birthday I was tired So I didn't blog for you. Chorus: Let this be your filled-with-mirth-day! Since I have forgot your birthday. Hope that you are not enragèd By this transgression of mine Four and twenty, now you're agèd Have a happy valentine's. Sister, here's your birthday songy Sorry I'm a scurvy knave. Hope...
Next week, on the twentieth of May, I proclaim 'Liza Doolittle Day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YJSTEHTSug I have not yet decided what this will entail. Possibly speaking in a painful Cockney accent, taking a bath for the first time ever, or eating lots of chocolates and going for rides in taxis. Perhaps I will pass myself off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball, dance dance dance all night, fill my mouth with marbles or just have a cup-a-tayyyyy. Maybe I will cut off my elocution teacher's head! I invite you all to celebrate in your own way!...
EV is off getting married (and is not even getting a panther ring out of it, so I don't know why she's bothering!) and so I have once again been named Emcee¹ of National Adjective Day! In honor of National Adjective Day, let me teach you a little something that I only learned within the last year! While the word "nauseous" is often used to describe the feeling of being sick to your stomach (and most dictionaries now accept the use of this word for that purpose), the original definition of the word is something that makes others feel...
("Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.") Danny boy, don't be afraid, to shake that ass, and misbehave Danny boy, I know you got time, but what are you waiting for, Anyway the dust may just blow away, if you wait for a windy day But you may find the chance has passed you by; - "Sewn" by The Feeling, who are probably slightly more Irish than the author of "Danny Boy" because at least they've been to Ireland before There is a yearly tradition associated with Srahtown and The University I Work At, wherein local bars start...
It's been over a week since The Collective invited readers to be interviewed. I asked for questions then forgot about it for a while, but here - at last - are my answers to their questions. From Jennie!: 1) Why does Ohio insist on throwing more snow at us? Why? From heather! anne!: 2) What is the all-time best Christmas movie? The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. It makes me tear up every time I see Imogene taking her earrings out to look more like Mary, or hear that Leroy left the ham behind for the Baby Jesus. "It's a present....
Tier 1: Delicious Easter candy Butterfinger creme eggsDove milk chocolate in any shape or formReese's peanut butter eggs Tier 2: Things that can only be eaten once a year marshmallow PeepsStarburst jelly beansdiscolored hard-boiled eggs Tier 3: DO NOT WANT traditional jelly beansmalted milk eggsCadbury creme eggsReese's Piecesanything that combines chocolate with orange flavoringregular year-round candy packaged in pastel wrappings, where they don't even make an effort to put it in the shape of a bunny or a chick or an egg or something...
Let it be known that the following people, fictional or otherwise, are invited to be my valentine today. (Yes, I keep adding and rearranging people as the day goes on. You wanna make something of it?) Others shall be accepted on a case-by-case basis. In order to apply, you will need to complete the following application form in the comments. Name/Internet handle: I am awesome because: Here are my big exciting Valentine's Day plans (Aren't they enticing? Pick me! Pick me!): Srah is, of course, my first choice for a valentine, but if I had to pick, the runner-up would...
Step 1: Plan to do Arabic homework (making a Valentine's Day card in Arabic) on Monday, leaving Tuesday open for other things. Step 2: Do not do Arabic homework on Monday. Step 3: Plan to do Arabic homework on Tuesday. Step 4: Do not do Arabic homework on Tuesday. Step 5: Dream, on Tuesday night, that you have come to class on Wednesday morning without having done your homework, and that you are trying - very badly - to fake it and are miserable and embarrassed. Still within the dream, come up with a brilliant idea for a Valentine that...
I'm celebrating with a traditional Burns supper this evening, except that instead of haggis I'm having pizza, and instead of whisky I'm having water and instead of reading poetry and toasting and dancing, I'm going to the movies. But other than that, you know, quite traditional. You may all celebrate by watching this lovely Scotch-themed episode of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. It is... The American Way. I mean... it is The Scottish Way. Hoot mon!...
Hello, my little chickens. Welcome to the end of the year! I hope that - although I have abandoned you for a week or so - you are all prepared with your yellow underwear and resolutions. Let it be resolved that in the new year: I shall actually get up off the couch and walk again I shall actually record the walking that I do on Walker Tracker again I shall endeavour to improve my nutrition I shall continue to endeavour to improve my sociability I shall put more time into my Arabic schoolwork So let it be written, so...
'Tis the season for lists, 'tisn't it? Last year I listed my favorite Christmas songs so this year I'll do my favorite Christmas movies. Maybe next year - if I remember - it will be books. srah's Ultimate List of the Best Christmas Movies and/or Movies That Take Place at Christmas Home Alone - I actually haven't seen this in years, but it makes the list out of some sort of loyalty to my Not-So-Secret Twin.Christmas in Connecticut - I love Barbara Stanwyck and I love Cuddles Szakall. Never mind that I can't remember exactly what happens in the movie....
I placed an order on Amazon.com December 1st. I only waited as long as the 1st because I wanted to make all of my purchases at once, so as to be eligible for the Free Super Saver Shipping. It seemed like a good day, though. It certainly wasn't last-minute, but I wasn't making my Christmas purchases in August, either. By the 1st I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to buy online vs in the store, so I made my purchase. When I was done, I checked the order online and saw that the estimated delivery date...
We had our yearly photo session this weekend to take a picture for the family Christmas card, just as we've done for the last 28 years. Wow, that's a lot of years when you write it down! As usual, Alfie and I insisted on taking some joke pictures and messed up many others by having no idea what we were doing. Hansel and Zoolander we are not. As usual, we fervently wished that our parents would choose the joke/outtake photos over the serious pictures. And as usual, the parents prefer the serious ones. So we'll be sending out this one:...
Happy 6th blogiversary to me! I have gone back to peruse my 2001 archives, as I frequently do at this time of year. And I have come to the following conclusion: In 2001, I was a huge dork. You may find that funny, because I am a huge dork right now, but in 2001 I was even worse. I can't wait until my 2013 self reads this and judges me from the future again!...
'Tis International Talk Like a Pirate Day, me beauties. What be ye doing to celebrate this momentous holiday? I've got a veritable harrrrrrrrrrrrrrvest of pirate jokes! For example: What kind of library do pirates work in?What do you call a pirate who sets fire to his own ship?What's a pirate's favorite candy bar?Where do pirates like to go in North Dakota?What's a pirate's favorite Hogwarts subject?Who's a pirate's favorite economic theorist? The nice thing is that you may come up with even better punchlines than the one I intended!...
Guess whose birthday it is today? Yes, that's right. Once again, it's......
I don't have a cat, so I have to make LOLpeople. Previous explanation of srah's Not Birthday can be found here and here. Edit: Katie's cat, Flakey, would like to add his Not Birthday wishes, lolcat stylee:...
Dear Fourth of July, What inspired you to be on a Wednesday this year? This makes no sense to me. There you are, smack-dab in the middle of the week where I cannot enjoy you fully. Please relocate to somewhere better by this time next year... OR ELSE!...
To prepare for today's National Adjective Day (Observed), I took a look the 2005 list of my favorite adjectives, only to find that it hasn't changed much since then (except I'd like to add "irreverent"). So, since EV gave the okay, I will list some of my favorite French and Arabic adjectives instead: nombreux (numerous)naïf (the masculine form of "naïve")éphémère (ephemeral)بارد ("bard" meaning "cold" because it's sort of onomatopoeic and sounds like shivering)كبير ("kabir" meaning "big" because I like the way our DVD-video-host Maha stretches it out for emphasis: "kabeeeeeeeeeeer")جميلة ("jamelah" meaning "pretty" is a person AND an adjective!)لطيفة ("latifa"...
Shoot. I forgot. Today is, for the next four minutes, National Adjective Day. Fortunately I have a backup, as May 8 is the traditional date for National Adjective Day (Observed). So I will get right on that... next week. Prepare the festivities! They ought to be... festive....
I lost power around 4am this morning. When the power went out, something in my apartment went "beep" and woke me up. It's good to know that I can be awoken by unfamiliar "beep"s because I have been known to sleep through smoke alarms before. I didn't wake up very much... just enough to look at my watch (fortunately there was moonlight or something, because there didn't seem to be any lights anywhere around) and to think "If my power doesn't come back on, I will have to stay huddled under my blankets until it does. And if it doesn't...
Pancake! This is just a reminder, since I never remember about this until the last minute, that this Friday is Candlemas. So get your crêpes and tamales ready! I never seem to manage to hold on to one crêpe recipe from year to year, so I don't have a tried-and-true favorite to give you. Here's the one I'll probably be using, though....
Happy birthday to my lovely boyfriend! You keep on birthdaying it up, yo! [In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that I had been all nerdily excited about blogging about apete's 24 birthday today and originally posted this as such. Then I realized I wasn't sure about my math so I Googled the answer and discovered I was wrong. I am glad apete is 25 and not 24 because that would be illegal and gross. I am also glad that Google foresaw that there would be stupid people like me Googling really basic math questions and built that...
I am an inveterate list-maker, so here is a list of some of my favorite Christmas songs, inspired by all of the Muzak and All Christmas All The Time radio stations I've been subjected to during my holiday shopping. "Carol of the Bells" "Sleigh Ride" - Instrumental versions only, and especially the one with horse-whinnying at the end. "The Nutcracker Suite" - No particular song within the suite - I pretty much like the whole thing. It's been my cookie-baking soundtrack lately. "O Holy Night" - Choral versions, because soloists get all divalicious and operatic about it and I would...
I had many delicious Thanksgiving dinners (I think that, leftover-gorging included, it was a total of five or six) that other people kindly and deliciously prepared for meIt is many months until my next Thanksgiving gorge-festIt is less than 364 days until Pretzel Day....
Happy Halloween and/or Cari's birthday!...
Oh, by the way, HAPPY FREAKIN' BLOGIVERSARY TO ME! My blog is now five. Congratulations, blog. Maybe we will send you to kindergarten and you will learn to write yourself so I don't have to. Let's all harken back to that day, five years ago, when this blog exploded, fully-grown and on its horse, from my forehead: The Internet is fostering a disturbing trend of self-promotion. That's all it's really about, anyway. Everyone has their own personal website advertising themselves and their interests (hey, me too). Why? Who actually cares about half the stuff that's on their website? Maybe it's...
After seeing that LiveJournal had been boarded and scuppered in a very subtle and tasteful way, I went to Google to see what they had cooked up for Talk Like a Pirate Day. NOTHING, that's what! It would appear that Google has never celebrated this momentous holiday. I expect all the Google employees I know to do their utmost to correct this by September 19, 2007!...
Where does an Arab pirate live when he's not sailing the high seas? داررررررر! Where does a French pirate live when he's not sailing the high seas? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrles! And for all of you English-speakers, who's a pirate's favorite elephant? Babarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!...
I am a pirate! (A pirate? Horror!) I think that I will be a Gilbertandsullivanian pirate tomorrow. Avast!...
Guess whose GOLDEN birthday it is today......
Today is Not My Birthday! About 364 days a year, it's not my birthday, but there's only one day a year that has special status and can be declared Not My Birthday. Or Not My Freaking Birthday, Okay, as the case may be. Today is the day that is traditionally mistaken for my birthday, the day that my friends since elementary school seem to have gotten the impression is my birthday. But it's Not My Birthday! So let's all Not have a piece of Not Cake and some Not Ice Cream (those are the saddest three words I've ever written)...
Me at 11pm last night: Boy, I can't wait to go to Cincinnati for the Fourth of July fireworks on the Ohio River. I suppose I should soon go about finding where I should go for these fireworks, and at what time they will begin on the Fourth. It will certainly be nice to have a way to celebrate Independence Day, since everything will be closed and almost everyone I know has fled the state and I don't own a grill or a copy of 1776. Yessirree, I am looking forward to this. Fireworks on the Ohio River will be...
Dear Southwestern Ohio, Who the hell puts cupcake frosting on a friggin' pączek?...
I have just realized that today is La Chandeleur, or Crêpe Day. I had actually been planning on this all week, but somehow the date snuck up on me and left me with no eggs in the house. Never fear: Kroger's shall be visited and I shall be a-flipping this eventide! Join with me! P.S. Damned rodent....
Somehow, apete seems to have gotten it into his head that it's okay for him to be six years older than me instead of five, so he's gone ahead and done it today. Won't anyone keep this fellow in line?! Happy birthday, lovely boy!...
Hey, guess what? Christmas happened. And then it happened and then it happened again. All in all, I went to five different Christmas parties/celebrations between the 24th and 26th. I have finished most of my post-Christmas shopping and am now at the point of collapsing with illness. HACK HACK GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Happy New Year to come, if I am not in the blogosphere before then!...
I usually forget about yellow underwear until after Christmas, but somehow this year I am prepared in advance. Every year, my friends and I give each other gifts of yellow underwear so that we can start the New Year off right in Peruvian/Venezuelan fashion and have good luck throughout the next year. So be like us and go out and buy some yellow underwear for your friends! On second thought, don't. I don't think anyone's bought mine yet, and I don't want you folks to pick over the selection so that I get stuck with Spongebob....
Here we are again in December. The end of another year! So let's take a look back at the first and last posts of each month of 2005:...
Just think of it!, thinks srah, Egg nog! It sounds so delicious and seasonal! Then she goes out and buys for her candy dish at work a holiday variety pack of tasty chocolates in egg nog, cinnamon almond and peppermint flavors. Which shall I sample first? ponders srah the simpleton. She takes a dainty nibble of an egg nog flavored chocolate and suddenly has no desire to eat anything ever again, for her taste buds have been tainted by the horror that is The Nog. Christmas comes but once a year, and fortunately, so does egg nog. Unfortunately, I never...
'Tis that time of year again; the time of year when we mark the return of 'Tis, the all-Pickard, all-humor Christmaspalooza....
I bought Halloween candy just in case I had trick-or-treaters, but was pretty sure I wouldn't, since I don't have a porch light and there was nothing to indicate that ascending three flights of stairs would be in any way fruitful. Or candyful. As a result, I have candy galore leftover. I've brought some to work but it isn't disappearing nearly fast enough - especially since several of my coworkers have mentioned that they didn't have any trick-or-treaters either. I suspect there are a lot of adults with candy on their hands this November 1. *licks fingers* Well, what with...
omghappyblogiversarytome!...
Many thanks to Mr B****** for sending me the link to Something Awful's analysis of horrifying Halloween costumes. Except for the part where I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard, it was very enjoyable. Be sure to check out the Wookiee section and note the similarities to my own observations about Chewbacca!...
Alas, Talk Like a Pirate Day approacheth (just one day of Holy Pasta Week!). Normally, the arrival of Talk Like a Pirate Day would not be cause for me to make "alas"-type noises, but I will be leaving tomorrow for a three-day visit to Another Ohio Institution. This holiest of days doth fall upon the same day as my interview and - I'm just guessing here - I don't think that my interviewers would be very impressed if my answers to all of their questions involved telling the students/parents/administration to walk the plank....
Dear Gods of the Mega Millions Lottery, I bought a ticket this week for the Mega Millions drawing tonight, with a jackpot worth $97,000,000.Today is my birthday.Hint hint. Personally, I think I'm quite deserving....
Do you know what today is? Why today is......
If today were my birthday, I would share it with Yasser Arafat, Kenny Baker, Stephen Fry, Steve Guttenberg, Dave Chappelle and everyone's favorite jailbait, Rupert Grint. But it's not....
I never plan ahead and can never remember these things. So since I'm thinking of it now: I have to plan out my day on Friday and I thought I remembered seeing a list compiled somewhere of the places in Ann Arbor/Ypsi where you can get free birthday food/services. Any suggestions as to where I can find the list or your own favorite birthday freebies?...
(Voilà le début de la Semaine des Langues chez srah blah blah. Je vois qu'il y a, déjà, beaucoup plus de participants que la dernière fois et je vous remercie! Parmi ces participants: Anyhoo, Armin, christina, Elemmaciltur, in actual fact, J, Jamie, katie, Marisa, patricia, Renee et Stuart) Alors, aujourd'hui on est le 4 juillet, la fête nationale des États-Unis. Notre famille vient de visionner 1776, l'un de nos films préférés, et ce qui est devenu une activité traditionnelle pour fêter le 4 juillet chez nous. L'été dernière j'étais en France et j'ai passé la plupart de notre fête nationale...
In honor of Day Old's National Adjective Day, I would like to share a few that I like: ephemeralvulpinecontumacious (of course)ferallanguorousnaïvemischievous vacuoussumptuousavuncular How about you?...
Just a reminder that next Wednesday is St Turibius of Mogroveio's Day! Everyone's Peruvian on St Turibius of Mogroveio's Day!...
I've sent you all a lovely Valentine's Day card