Mine eye has seen the glory, now I'm lying on the floor

I've been having some trouble over the past few days with a pain in my eye socket. I had myself convinced that I had a stye or a scratch on my eye that was rapidly getting infecteder or that Scott Baio gave me pinkeye, so I made an appointment with my doctor ASAP. I am rather sensitive about my eyes and that tends to make me panic and expect the worst, so I wanted to nip this in the bud before my eye got so infected it had to be removed and I would have to wear an eye patch like a pirate, which wouldn't be so bad on September 19th but would be a pain the rest of the year.

The doctor examined my eye and it went a little a-like-a-thees:

Doctor: [examining the eye and eyelid] Do you have any drainage?
Me: Not that I've noticed.
Doctor: Have you had any fever?
Me: Not that I've noticed.
Doctor: Does the eyelid seem red to you?
Me: Not that I've noticed.
Doctor: So... it just hurts.
Me: Yeah.
Doctor: Does it hurt here? [pokes my cheekbone]
Me: I guess.
Doctor: [unspoken: Why are you wasting my time, you insane hypochondriac???] You probably have some sinus pressure pushing on your eye. You should take an over-the-counter nasal decongestant and then get back to me if it seems to get worse.

So hooray, a $20 co-pay to be told something that probably should have occurred to me on my own!

I went back to work and finished the day. I suppose it was a relief to know that my eye probably wasn't going to fall out. I didn't get to Kroger until about 8pm, and I almost forgot to look at the healthcare aisle, because I'd sort of gotten used to having one eye that didn't roll around as well as the other. I looked through the selection of nasal decongestants and found that I would have to pay about $2 more for the medications with phenylephrine as the decongestant agent than for those with pseudoephedrine. I am all about saving the Almighty Dollar¹ so I picked up the little card for the store brand pseudoephedrine-based decongestant and took it to the pharmacy counter².

Before I could receive my drugs, I had to show the pharmacist my driver's license, then fill out my address and phone number and signature on a sheet where they keep a list of all the pseudoephedrine-buyers so that they can report you to the authorities if you seem to be buying suspicious amounts. It is all very scary and almost put me off being cheap.


I am very cheap.

The pharmacist also warned me that basically all nasal decongestants are non-drowsy because the decongestant ingredients can make you jumpy³, so I shouldn't take it before going to bed.

When I woke up this morning, my stupid eye socket still hurt, so I threw a few decongestant tablets into my morning medication mix. WHEEEEEEEEEEE! OHMYGODOHMYGODIHAVESOMUCHTODOTODAY buuuut iiiiii'm sooooo tiiiiiiired. I thiiink I'lllll juuuuust liiiiie dowwwwn herrrrre aaaannnd OHMYGODICAN'TSTOPTHINKING zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ISTHATMYHEARTBEATWHYCANIFEELMYHEARTBEATINGLIKETHAT aaaas IIII driiiiiift awaaaaay to sleeeeep. So I called in "sick, probably coming in later" and went to sleep, which was pretty easy considering how wired my brain was half the time. I don't know why meth-heads bother going through all the trouble and danger of making meth when clearly you can get pretty messed up just from nasal decongestants. But then again, everything I know about meth, I learned from Rex Morgan, M.D.4.

Get Fuzzy, 1/24/2007When I woke up, I was still a little woozy, but the manic half of my brain pointed out that there wasn't much for me to do at home and that there was plenty for me to do at work, so if I wanted to keep the manic side happy, I had better keep it occupied. So this is why I just spent my lunch break typing up this exciting account of my adventures with not-meth. Well, that and the paint fumes I've been inhaling as they retouch the hallway outside my office.


¹ Or even better, the Almighty Two Dollars.

² As you may know, the purchase of pseudoephedrine is usually controlled because it is one of the ingredients in crystal meth. In this case, it's not available on the shelves and has to be requested from a pharmacist.

³ He used some grown-up pharmacist word instead of "jumpy".

4 Or more accurately, The Comics Curmudgeon's ongoing commentary on the meth-lab saga in Rex Morgan, M.D.

srah - Thursday, 25 January 2007 - 1:04 PM
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Comments (5)

gravatar srah - January 25, 2007 - 2:44 PM -

Totally awesome coincidence: See my blog post from one year ago today!

gravatar Erica - January 25, 2007 - 11:34 PM -

Plus, the phenylephrine doesn't work nearly as well as the pseudoephedrine. I have first-hand knowledge from scientific types. I also have access to equivalent products for Canada which contain all the pseudo you could want or need. Not that I would *ahem* procure any because that would be *ahem* illegal.

gravatar Cheryl - January 26, 2007 - 8:30 AM -

You're weird. I really don't take drugs all that often, but I don't think it ever affects me like they ALL seem to affect you.

gravatar Jen - January 29, 2007 - 9:15 AM -

Tomorrow night, hot date night...you, me and HOUSE!! :)

gravatar srah - January 29, 2007 - 11:22 AM -

Will do.

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