Dem pancake bones »
F***ing Oscars f***ing report f*** f*** f*** blah blah
So... how 'bout them Oscars, huh?
About a week before the Oscars (which was weeks and weeks and weeks ago) I saw The Departed, which brought my grand total of Oscar-nominated Movies Seen from three to four. That's an increase of... something percent!¹ It actually improved my viewing a lot more than that, because the other ones I'd seen were Little Miss Sunshine, The Devil Wears Prada (nominated for Best Actress and Costume Design) and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (nominated for several miscellaneous crew awards). So I went from seeing one of the Best Picture nominees to two, an increase of - get this math, yo - one hundred percent! Hooray for me.
Before I'd seen the movie, I kept asking people "Is that the movie with Matt Damon or the one with Leonardo DiCaprio?" because they're both sort of boring blond fellows who other people find attractive and put on Sexiest Men lists, but who I wouldn't, and whose careers I'm not particularly interested in following. It turns out the source of my confusion was that they are both in the movie and have about an equal amount of screen time. And the same haircut. It got to the point where my fellow DVD-watchers and I had to label them as "the one who always wears a t-shirt" and "the one who always wears a tie" until one scene where Matt Damon dressed down and we almost didn't know who he was anymore. They don't look all that similar, but they're the same type and everyone was trying to deceive everyone and everyone had craaaazy Boston accents and LITTLE SARAH'S BRAIN GOT CONFUSED.
The disappointing thing was that after watching the movie and knowing that it was nominated, I thought, 'Well, that shouldn't win. But at least I have the comfort of knowing that it's a Martin Scorcese picture, so it won't.' I didn't think The Departed deserved the Oscar, but on the other hand I didn't think Little Miss Sunshine did either. They were okay and entertaining in their own ways, but neither of them seemed to be Best Picture quality. I figure one of the other three must have been better, and as long as I never watch any of them, I am free to imagine that they are all deep and thoughtful and complete and excellent, as it seems like a Best Picture ought to be. You know, like The Greatest Show on Earth or Dances With Wolves.