srah blah blah

Actually, I'm not that mad anymore, but I was pretty disgusted when I was there.

All I had really heard about the movie is that apete's roommate had seen it and thought it was pretty good for a sequel. You are so wrong, Mark! I cannot express how wrong you are!

We had previews for Super Lifeguard School 2000, George Bush Drives a Race Car and Sylvester Stallone Won't Stop Assaulting My Eyes, But It's In A Different Way Than He's Assaulting His Opponent's Eyes, Or More Likely, Having His Eyes Assaulted By His Opponent. If there is anyone out there who would rather see Super Lifeguard School 2000 than Snakes on a Plane, let it hereby be known that I officially disown you.

The movie began and it was... okay. It was over the top. Everybody was a pirate and everybody was fighting everybody, all at the same time. As if a three-way swordfight wasn't enough, they put it inside a giant hamster wheel and added the complication of passing the key back and forth to one another. This seemed to be a case of Choreographers Gone Mad, as though they had this great idea that no one would let them use because it was "too visually complicated blah blah blah, what do directors know anyway?" and then Gore Verbinski fell asleep one day and they wrote it into the script.

I could tell apete wasn't enjoying it, so I tried really hard to enjoy it twice as much, just to make up for him and in the hopes that my enthusiasm would rub off on him and make him feel as though he hadn't wasted his time seeing it. I set to work finding all of the things that were rip-offs from Star Wars movies (they are numerous) and even though it was impossible to follow the game of Heart, Heart, Who's Got the Heart, or to understand exactly what Davy Jones was, or to understand what the hell his accent was supposed to be, or to understand the motivation of anyone at all in the movie, at least it had pirates. It was okay for an action flick.

Until the end.

Or lack thereof.

This is what sent me into a screaming, spitting RAGE. They just ended the stupid movie. There was no closure. This wasn't the Back to the Future series, where each movie comes to a conclusion then sets up for the next one. This was "Oh, if you want to see the rest of this movie, you have to pay another $9." This was entrapment! NOTHING AT ALL WAS RESOLVED. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. THERE WAS NO ENDING, THERE WERE ONLY CREDITS. THIS WAS SO STUPIDLY STUPIDLY ENRAGING THAT I CAN'T BELIEVE GEORGE LUCAS WASN'T INVOLVED. THE NON-ENDING TO THIS MOVIE MADE ME RETROACTIVELY HATE EVERYTHING THAT CAME BEFORE IN THE MOVIE (even the part about Norrington smelling funny), AND KIND OF IN THE FIRST MOVIE TOO. ALSO I HATE KEIRA KNIGHTLEY'S CHARACTER AND I WANT HER TO DIE. ALSO I DON'T CARE IF EVERYONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE DIES BECAUSE I'M SO MAD AT THE MOVIE FOR EXISTING. ALSO I HATE THIS MOVIE AND THINKING ABOUT IT TURNS ON MY MENTAL CAPS LOCK AND MAKES ME WANT TO SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!

I guess I am still mad.