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Nobbin' with all the muckety-mucks/ I'm blowin' my dough and goin' deluxe
I am really excited about this Economic Stimulus Garbage that's going on, because I am such a miserly hoarder of my money that it gives me pleasure to be given money with the intent that it should be spent freely on frivolous, economically-stimulating spending. When I get my tax refunds every year, I think, "Wheeee! Free money! What shall I blow it on?" and then I end up putting it into savings "for a rainy day", which I never spend, no matter how rainy the day is, because my imagination always assumes that things will get worse and there will be a time when I need it more.
BORing.
So now, in addition to the $700 or so dollars I've lent the gubmint(s) throughout the year and which they are giving back to me, I get $300-$600 for free. I have no idea whether I'm getting $300 or $600 or how I find that out, so I'll just sit tight and see what arrives in my bank account on the 16th. I feel like I can spend this money instead of saving it, and I don't need to feel guilty about it, because it's what the government told me to do¹.
Now I've got to figure out what to spend it on. I have it narrowed down:
- a pony
- magic beans
- blow it all up my nose (not on cocaine or anything, just stuffing bills up my nose)
- the most glorious, expensive pair of shoes in the universe (Note: I have not yet found a glorious pair of $1300 shoes, but I have faith that they exist. I also have faith that I would immediately step in something horrible as soon as I put them on.)
- put it towards (in the voice of the late Rod Roddy) A NEW CAAAAAAAAAR!
- 3000 DVDS
- get a haircut, you dang hippie
- go on a trip to somewhere exciting, like Canada
- Kobe beef burgers
- Kobe Bryant burgers (cannibalicious!)
- leave it in the bank while I try to figure out what to spend it on, then eventually forget that I was supposed to be spending it, because I waited so long to find the perfect thing to buy and never found anything that matched my expectations, then get attached to having that money in my savings account and decide that I should keep it there "for a rainy day."
I wonder which it will be!
srah - Friday, 2 May 2008 - 12:56 PM
Tags: economy, money, taxes
