'You are on this council, but we do not grant you the title of Master.' 'What? Hells no, biatch!'

Srahfamily sat around the TV this evening and sacrificed our souls and our eyes through fifteen minutes of The O.C. in order to catch the Star Wars: Episode III (I've forgotten the title of this piece of garbage) trailer.

From what I can tell, this episode in the series is going to be a tale of disappointment. Obi-Wan's disappointment that Anakin is not The Chosen One Who Will Bring Balance To The Force. Anakin's disappointment that he's not made a Jedi Master. Samuel L. Jackson's disappointment that he's gonna die. And, of course, last but not least, your disappointment and mine. That this movie blows.

I started laughing after the first clip of dialogue. It's like Ian McDiarmid is doing an impression of The Emperor rather than playing him. I understand that Darth Vader looked so different because of the terrible burns he suffered, but WHAT CAUSES SOMEONE TO WRINKLE THAT QUICKLY? At some point in the movie, he's just about the same wrinkle-level as in Episode II and then all of a sudden he's a human shar-pei. Did someone do a Jedi Dehydration-Suck on him? Heh heh, I said Jedi Dehydration-Suck.

And speaking of sucking...

You know how Darth Vader kind of breathes funny? I don't know if you've ever noticed, but he sort of breathes, you know, louder than normal people do. In the past, I've always thought of this as sort of a "HHHHHOOOOOOOO-PPPPPERRRRR" noise. And this trailer ended with a much shorter version of the breathing noise, so it just sounded sort of like "PPPPOOOOOOOOOOPPPP."

How appropriate.

srah - Thursday, 10 March 2005 - 9:45 PM
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Comments (15)

gravatar alfie - March 11, 2005 - 12:27 AM -

On behalf of myself and others....READER'S CHOICE.

gravatar Noor - March 11, 2005 - 7:31 AM -

I have yet to watch any of the new star wars and I don't think I'm going to anytime soon.

gravatar srah - March 11, 2005 - 7:34 AM -

Save thine eyes!

gravatar NeighborGuy - March 11, 2005 - 9:41 AM -

In case you missed it, or couldn't stand to watch the OC or whatever, here is 2 minutes and 20 seconds of trailer ( plus a silly 30 second introduction )

http://rapidshare.de/files/830600/trailer.mpeg.html

Scroll down, Click Free... Wait until timer is up, and the Download prompt will open. 28MB.


gravatar Michael Conlen - March 11, 2005 - 10:50 AM -

What? Annie is the one who brings balance to the force.

For all the Jedi Council knows before the start of the first movie there's maybe one or two of the dark side left. They discover a Sith Lord in the movie but get rid of him. They know there's one other out there and run in to him in the second movie.

There's all those Jedi Masters and a few Sith Lords left. Who in their right minds wants to bring balance to the force? Why Obi-Wan of course... ...idiot.

He brings balance to the force, because when Annie is done there's only two Sith (Darth Vader and the Emperor) and two Jedi (Yoda and Luke). That's balance in the force.

What were they thinking bringing balance when you're the overwhelming majority. He brings balance to the force alright.

gravatar srah - March 11, 2005 - 11:03 AM -

Yeah, but OB1 doesn't know that. So he's disappointed. I don't know - from the trailer, he seems woodenly upset about Ani not being the Chosen One!

gravatar Maine - March 11, 2005 - 11:50 AM -

This movie is going to need to kick butt on top of butt in order to remotely make up for the last two.

And if it doesn't, well... Mr. Lucas just might find himself on the business end of a belly-punching. He can give back my $8, but can he really give me back the two hours of lost life?

gravatar srah - March 11, 2005 - 1:36 PM -

Thanks, NeighborGuy!

gravatar Nick - March 11, 2005 - 3:14 PM -

I'm going to buck the trend here and say...

AWESOME!!!

I can't wait to see this movie. Finally stupid little Annie turns truly evil and starts killing Jedi - this is what I've been waiting for. My favorite of the original Trilogy is Empire so I guess I've got a soft spot for the darker movies, but just from the trailer it looks pretty cool. Of course, Lucas has fooled me and pissed me off twice before, but I'll still go see this one anyway.

gravatar srah - March 11, 2005 - 3:23 PM -

You optimistic fool! Watch again and notice that the most realistic emotion in the whole trailer comes from SEE-THREEPIO.

gravatar alfie - March 11, 2005 - 5:33 PM -

So sad....George Lucas made three great Star Wars movies, made a huge amount of money, then decided he could screw everything up with the alterations and prequels.

I hope Anakin becomes evil and turns into DV early in the movie because I'm not sure how much Hayden Christiansen I will be able to stomach before I start throwing stuff at the screen.

gravatar srah - March 11, 2005 - 6:20 PM -

I can't wait until episodes 7-9, when the Ewoks are evacuated away from Death Star fallout... onto Naboo! Oh, the hijinks that ensue when Ewoks and Gungans are brought together!

gravatar katie - March 11, 2005 - 9:30 PM -

What?!?! Travesty! How dare you accuse my Ewan of woodenness???

You have to admit that of all the acting in the prequels, his has been the only with redeeming value. And actually, he's done quite a decent job, considering the script and direction he was given!

I posted my trailer-related outrage on my own blog. :)

gravatar Noor - March 12, 2005 - 1:13 AM -

LOL. I misread that Michael Conlen comment as Michael Cohen and started wondering why one of the gods of 504 would be reading your blog.

That'd be pretty funny if he not only read your blog but also left comments! ;)

gravatar MaTT - March 15, 2005 - 10:40 AM -

Here's some StarWars Ep.3 'making-of' footage... (different from whats on the DVD): http://movies.channel.aol.com/feature/starwars/episode_3_video.adp

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