'To be angry is to be human'???

I hate umbrellas. They're coarse and rough and irritating, but here everything is soft and smagggghhh--

Sorry, no, that's sand. Let's start over.

I hate umbrellas. I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too! They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!

Hmmm. Not quite.

I hate umbrellas. They never work correctly for me. You have to hold the stupid thing, so you never have a free hand to do anything. Rain hardly ever falls straight down, so I end up getting wet anyway, from the sideways/diagonal rain. I am short, so when people share an umbrella with me, I am hit even harder with the sideways/diagonal rain and shouldn't even bother being underneath. And because I am short, when other people have umbrellas and I don't, they drip all of their umbrella-juice right onto my head. They take up a lot of space, they drip all over and get mildewy and smelly and they poke people in the eye. We should all just get damn raincoats.

But now I have my lovely Grown Up coat and I don't want to get it wet, so I brought along an umbrella today, as a Grown Up would. It was completely pointless and I got all wet anyway, but... you know... it made sense at the time.

You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do.

Note: In researching for this post, I found 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode 1, a site which is beautiful and true and lovely and all that is right with the world.

srah - Friday, 19 November 2004 - 12:17 PM
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Comments (3)

gravatar alfie - November 19, 2004 - 10:44 PM -

Most of those are good reasons to hate Star Wars. Umbrellas annoy me.

gravatar Aunt Pat - November 21, 2004 - 7:39 PM -

I love rain coats with hoods. I don't care if they're not grown up.

gravatar John - November 22, 2004 - 9:30 AM -

I, too, hate umbrellas. For one thing, the word is Latin for "little shadow", and how can you have a shadow when it's raining? It just doesn't make sense.

For the last fifteen years, I have favored a good coat and a wide-brimmed fedora. The coat keeps me warm and dry, and the hat keeps the rain (and the sun) out of my eyes.

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