The stupid dog only needs to stay alive until Monday

Dear Girl Who Lives in My House,

I have been studying the ways of your species for some time. I do not understand why, between roughly the hours of midnight and seven AM every night, you turn off all of the lights in the house and lie on one piece of furniture for hours on end. Perhaps it's some kind of religious ritual or you are mimicking the rising and setting of the sun, or maybe you can't afford to have the lights on all day. You can't possibly be sleeping all that time. You sleep all through the day like me, right? And why would you need darkness and special furniture to sleep, when I can fall asleep on the floor in a brightly-lit room? Unfortunately, I am too short to see what's going on up there.

So anyway, I understand how important sleep is, but I also recognize that you're probably not doing it, you faker. I suspect that these places you call "work" and "school" are really big naptime establishments and that you're probably just lying there now, bored and in need of entertainment. So since you're not doing anything important, I have no problem barking and whining at 3:30 AND at 5:00 that I want to go out. I want to go out! Wanting to go out knows no time!

I don't know if you noticed, but I picked tonight especially for my late-night excursions. I heard you say that you had a "headache" before you turned out all of the lights. I bet that a "headache" is some kind of treat, so you're in a good mood. Plus, it's raining, so we got to have that togetherness-time while you wipe my feet off! Both times! I don't know what you were muttering under your breath, but I'm sure it was sweet nothings. Then you got back onto that mysterious piece of furniture and you sang a little song with your teeth because you were so happy to have spent time with me! [ed.-- That was shivering and teeth-chattering, you moron.]

Love,

The Demon Dog

srah - Saturday, 20 November 2004 - 5:09 AM
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Comments (5)

gravatar Jez - November 21, 2004 - 5:34 PM -

Howie's alright. He's just got a very highly developed sense of personal space, that's all.

gravatar bobby - November 22, 2004 - 7:58 AM -

Dude. That dog needs his own blog. HILARIOUS!

gravatar Jez - November 22, 2004 - 8:31 AM -

Like this one.

gravatar srah - November 22, 2004 - 8:56 AM -

Nah, everyone likes him better than me so I might as well profit from his popularity. Heh heh. Next I need to get my mom blogging!

gravatar mommy - November 22, 2004 - 10:28 PM -

That isn't going to happen. I'm sorry was such a pain while we were gone, though I'm glad he didn't wake me up!

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