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Unfounded (?) sense of loss

I keep losing everything close to me.

Boy, that sounds like the beginning of a really depressing blog-post. But this is not that kind of blog, folks! Let's start again.

I keep losing all of my crap.

That sounds more like me - and more familiar, too. My archives are lined with stories of me losing things - tales that I would quite annoyingly link to if I could find them in the mess that is my MT archives. Sometimes I find the lost objects again, but mostly I don't. In a conversation with Jez this morning, we* decided to blame it on a gnome infestation, because I refuse to take responsibility and can't imagine that one person could manage to lose the quantity of possessions that I manage to lose. Among the things I've recently found discovered that I've lost:

I can't come up with anyone I could have lent these things to, but neither can I figure out where in my house they could be hiding. Any information as to their whereabouts would be appreciated. Maybe I get up in the night and throw things away in my sleep. Or maybe I will one day uncover the gnomes' grotto and recover all of my stolen belongings. They have odd taste, those gnomes.

In other gnome-related news**...

–––––
* meaning "me", with Jez's mostly-sane self along for the Ride of Madness
** or "olds"

srah - Wednesday, 20 August 2003 - 8:39 AM
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Comments (44)

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 9:27 AM - ℓ

What do you mean 'mostly sane'? I'm completely bananas. Wibble.

gravatar Mr. Hibbity Gibbity - August 20, 2003 - 9:38 AM - ℓ

'Wibble'? For some reason jello comes to mind when you say that . . . lime . . . *yum* . . . jello . . .

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 10:00 AM - ℓ

Somehow I suspect Jez has underpants on his head and pencils up his nose as he says this.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 10:11 AM - ℓ

Shit! I thought I had turned off the webcam.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 10:12 AM - ℓ

Are you a Blackadder fan, by any chance?

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 10:18 AM - ℓ

I don't know where you would get that impression. I am, however, as happy as a Frenchman who has just invented a pair of self-removing trousers that you thought so.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 10:34 AM - ℓ

Oh no - I need to get too much work done in not enough time! I'm in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 10:52 AM - ℓ

I hope this work doesn't involve any graphic design, as you have all the artistic capabilities of a cluster of color-blind hedgehogs.

In a bag.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 11:00 AM - ℓ

I hope you can put up with this teasing. They do say that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:02 AM - ℓ

Ha! Artistic capabilities? You wouldn't know artistic capabilities if they painted themselves purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing "Artistic Capabilities are here again"!

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:08 AM - ℓ

Actually, I'm deeply hurt. It's like getting shot through the neck with an arrow and finding a gas bill attached to the end.

I've been trying to get some work done for ages, and have advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some very heavy shopping.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 11:10 AM - ℓ

Damn, that's one of my favorites. Just for coming up with that one, here is a purse of moneys... which I'm not going to give to you.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 11:13 AM - ℓ

I'm really glad we're having this Blackadder war because I haven't gotten nearly enough comments lately. And for me, comments are like sex. Tons of it about and I can't seem to get any.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:13 AM - ℓ

You're mad, totally mad. You're madder than Mad Jack McMad, winner of last year's Mr. Madman competition.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 11:14 AM - ℓ

I'll win the Blackadder war, of course, for three reasons. First, we shall fight this campaign on issues, not personalities. Secondly, we will be the only fresh thing on the menu. And thirdly, of course, we'll cheat.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:15 AM - ℓ

Ah, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips & telling your family that you walked across a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:19 AM - ℓ

I guessed you'd try and cheat to win. Just a wild stab in the dark, which is, incidentally, what you'll be getting if you don't watch out.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 11:20 AM - ℓ

That Jez, why, he's as clever as a stick in a bucket of pig swill.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:20 AM - ℓ

To you, Srah, the Renaissence was something that just happened to other people, wasn't it?

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:22 AM - ℓ

A chat with you and death loses its sting.

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 11:23 AM - ℓ

Well, I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericumbobulation. I have to go to lunch now, but I shall return interfrastically to taunt you some more, proletarian skeunk.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:27 AM - ℓ

OK make a sentence from these words, face sodding your shut

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:40 AM - ℓ

Well, I may as thick as whale omelette, but I think it's time for me to go home as work has finished. May I offer you my most sincere contrafibularities.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 11:45 AM - ℓ

I may be as thick as a whale omelette...

gravatar katie - August 20, 2003 - 12:12 PM - ℓ

The two of you need some SERIOUS mental health assessment.

gravatar jday - August 20, 2003 - 12:19 PM - ℓ

I may pee my pants! *very* professional, let me assure you- snorting uproariously in public with uring trickling down my leg...

gravatar alfie - August 20, 2003 - 12:56 PM - ℓ

The crumpets burning my cheeks in shame...

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 1:07 PM - ℓ

Jez, if we were the last three humans on earth, I'd be trying to start a family with Baldrick. Wait, we don't have a Baldrick here, do we? Katie, then.

gravatar katie - August 20, 2003 - 2:39 PM - ℓ

Jday - uring?

Which member of the family am I?

gravatar jday - August 20, 2003 - 3:41 PM - ℓ

oops! urine

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 3:48 PM - ℓ

That's what you said when it happened.

gravatar katie - August 20, 2003 - 4:20 PM - ℓ

Fabulous.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 6:55 PM - ℓ

To decide this duel, I suggest trial by axe. The accused's head is placed on a chopping block with an axe aimed at it. If the axe bounces off, the accused is guilty and is burnt at the stake. And if s/he is innocent, the axe cuts their head off. You first, Srah.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 7:07 PM - ℓ

You are a girl. And you're a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears only golf club.

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 7:08 PM - ℓ

We hate the French! We fight wars against them! Did all those men die in vain on the field of Agincourt? Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc simply wasting good matches?

gravatar Jez - August 20, 2003 - 7:09 PM - ℓ

O God! This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War. Srah, have you been eating dung again?

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 8:34 PM - ℓ

You seem to have trounced me with your vicious insults. Even though I smeared my opponent, bribed the press to be on my side, and threatened to torture the electorate if we lost, I seem to have lost. I fail to see what more a decent politician could have done.

So I've decided not to fight anymore, and have adopted another strategy, my fine saucy young trollop. Just trip along here with all your cash, and some naughty night attire, and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart! Yours with the deepest respect etc, signed srah.

P.S. Woof woof!

gravatar alfie - August 20, 2003 - 9:34 PM - ℓ

Tally ho pip pip and Bernard's your uncle!

gravatar srah - August 20, 2003 - 10:50 PM - ℓ

In English we say "Good morning".

gravatar Jez - August 21, 2003 - 6:27 AM - ℓ

Oh, God! God! What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it!

gravatar alfie - August 21, 2003 - 6:49 AM - ℓ

Never have I encountered such foul, mindless perversity! Have you considered a career in the church?

gravatar Jez - August 21, 2003 - 8:09 AM - ℓ

As my tutor, old bubble face, used to say: "make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may catch some disgusting skin disease."

gravatar alfie - August 21, 2003 - 8:07 PM - ℓ

Unfortunately, apart from my nose getting a little prettier, nothing much has changed around here. Your animal still isn't housetrained. Your friend's still unemployed. And Nursie's one stick short of a bundle.

gravatar alfie - January 24, 2004 - 2:11 PM - ℓ

Just for the comments and the fact that this post deserves to be easier to find, I nominate this post for reader's choice.

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