I am still at the point of maturity where I like to choose my Band-Aid™s based on the cartoon character on them rather than getting sensible flesh-colored or clear ones.
Or perhaps I just like the smooth, sticky feel of Yoda against my skin.
...
...
*blink*
...
...
It's, uh, the former. Really.
I hate umbrellas. They're coarse and rough and irritating, but here everything is soft and smagggghhh--
Sorry, no, that's sand. Let's start over.
I hate umbrellas. I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too! They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!
Hmmm. Not quite.
I hate umbrellas. They never work correctly for me. You have to hold the stupid thing, so you never have a free hand to do anything. Rain hardly ever falls straight down, so I end up getting wet anyway, from the sideways/diagonal rain. I am short, so when people share an umbrella with me, I am hit even harder with the sideways/diagonal rain and shouldn't even bother being underneath. And because I am short, when other people have umbrellas and I don't, they drip all of their umbrella-juice right onto my head. They take up a lot of space, they drip all over and get mildewy and smelly and they poke people in the eye. We should all just get damn raincoats.
But now I have my lovely Grown Up coat and I don't want to get it wet, so I brought along an umbrella today, as a Grown Up would. It was completely pointless and I got all wet anyway, but... you know... it made sense at the time.
You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do.
Note: In researching for this post, I found 78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode 1, a site which is beautiful and true and lovely and all that is right with the world.
From an article about FURTHER changes made to the original trilogy:
But the most noticeable change -- and perhaps one some "Star Wars" diehards will have a tough time stomaching -- is Hayden Christensen (who plays young Anakin in the prequel trilogy) now appearing in the scene where the "force ghosts" of Anakin, Obi Wan, and Yoda smile at Luke.
- Five major changes in the 'Star Wars' DVD
You bet I'll have a tough time stomaching it, you freaking mus-tards. I feel dirty.
In case you were curious, Attaque des Clones is just as rotten as Attack of the Clones. Anakin Skywalker is just as awful and creepy (perhaps moreso, speaking French whilst leering), Jar Jar Binks was just as annoying, and I still hate hate hate George Lucas.
On the other hand, I did learn how to say "bounty hunter" in French: un chasseur de prime. And seriously, when you are learning valuable vocabulary like that, who cares if the movie sucks?
I do. That's who.
I'm still shopping for a laptop, but also checking out accessories and digital cameras because I am under the mistaken impression that I am made of money*. It occurs to me that to take my new baby to France with me, I will need some kind of equipment in order to be able to plug it into European walls and not make it explode. Plug converters were easy enough to find at Best Buy, but I think I may have to shop around a bit for a thingy to convert the power.
Or maybe I don't really need to shop around, but I just like to refer to every place I look for power converters as the "Taaaaaaaaaaashi Staaaaaaaaaaaaation."
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* In fact, I am made of milk chocolate with a candy shell and a delightful praline filling.
Katie and Sarah
Are once again caught up in
The Haiku Cycle.
7 AM: Barf*.
Rest of the day: Starve instead.
Neither is much fun.
Tea, broth and crackers
Don't provide much sustenance
For poor, sickly srahs.
I watched A New Hope.
Grainy film, Han shot Greedo.
The Special Eds suck.
Attack of the Clones
srah wants the clones to attack
Hayden Christensen.
Oh Princess Leia
Hair all bunnified. You could
Kick your mother's ass.
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* Could be replaced with "bjork," thanks to jday...
What my family enjoys even more than watching the new Star Wars trilogy is watching the new Star Wars trilogy annotated. This is a handy guide to the Star Wars universe narrated by... well, me... in my family room. Today we watched the middle one.
Anakin: I'm sorry, master!
srah: I'm sorry, too! Sorry that you're in this!
Obi-Wan: I hate it when he does that.
srah: Me too, Obi-wan. If by "that" you meant "appear in this movie", that is.
The parents had their own input:
Mummy: Why does he want her dead?
srah: Who?
Mummy: The clone guy.
srah: Jango Fett? He's a bounty hunter.
Mummy: So why is he telling that one to do it?
Daddy: What kind of bounty hunter subcontracts?
(Anakin jumps out of speeder and goes hurtling through space)
Mummy: What is he doing in this? Luke was annoying and whiny, but he was supposed to be whiny. Anakin isn't believable at all, and he isn't even good-looking. They should have cast Heath Ledger.
Perhaps if he had some better dialogue to work with he wouldn't be so embarassingly bad. Give me my original trilogy on DVD! Minus Special Edition changes!
This movie does, however, have one redeeming feature that the others don't. Click below for a special message from the family's official Favorite Star Wars Character.
continued »
Just when you thought Vichy couldn't get any stranger, along comes the Cusset Star Wars Convention complete with special guest Boba Fett. It's a shame it's coming at a time when I have so much to do, because I would have gone just to experience the weirdness and to say hi to Boba.
Apparently Albion's theatre nerds have been swapping sexually suggestive Star Wars lines recently. I didn't realize there was a master list on the Internet...
[via Blogatelle]
Went to Albion to hear James Earl Jones last night. It was like he was Dr. Guenin-Lelle with a much deeper voice, because he seemed to be teaching my Freshman Seminar. His topic was Culture.
PT opened up by saying that James Earl Jones sounded more like he imagined the voice of God than anyone he'd ever heard. I'm sure it's a common belief, but it scared me because it sounded like Uncle Pete had been reading my blog. Albion gave him an honorary Doctorate of Humane Letters before his speech. "When do I get my honorary doctorate?" I asked Alex. "When you are James Earl Jones," he replied. It'll be a long wait.
Dr. Jones started with a story about when he was in a theater production of a play that took place during the French Revolution. The reviewer made an impression on him when she said that they didn't need to put on French accents or look French to be authentic, but they had to do research and know about the culture of Revolutionary France. "Yes," I said, trance-like, "God told me to learn about French culture. Either that or Darth Vader. Either way, I think I had better learn about French culture."
When he started talking about language as a medium for transmitting culture, I decided I was going to marry him. So did Alex. We had planned to race to him, with threats of violence against each other, as soon as he finished speaking, but he was whisked away at the end. Poo.
He talked about cultural norms and misunderstandings between cultures, including linguistic ones. He told a story about missionaries trying to convert the Inuit people and trying to translate religious concepts into their language. Salvation was translated as "to pull someone from a hole in the ice". They couldn't see what this had to do with religion. The 23rd Psalm ("The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...") was translated as "The Lord is my keeper, he does not want me. He shoots me down on the beach and pushes me into the water..." Heh heh. Bet Christianity caught on fast there.
I didn't agree with everything he said, but I thought it was a good speech because it made people think and discuss. That's always good.
He answered questions afterwards. I was shocked that some people asked him where he lived and other personal questions. There was, of course, one Star Wars question. He claimed not to remember any of the Darth Vader dialogue and said that to him, David Prowse was Vader and he himself was just a special effect, like a steam machine making the steam rising off a pile of manure.
How poetic.
We are going to see James Earl Jones tomorrow night at Albion. My mother says he sounds like God, although I don't know how she knows that.
Those lucky Albion students. They don't know how good they have it, with their James Earl Jones on campus and their Baldwin food cooked for them. Why, when they're old like me and have to worry about feeding themselves, they'll wish they were back at Albion, with their Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. and their free Internet access. I don't know where I'm going with this. It was supposed to sound old and crotchety.
Anyway, the whole reason I brought this up - to return from a long tangent - was this. How did whiny, high-pitched Anakin "I wanna be the most powerful Jedi" Skywalker, father of whiny, high-pitched Luke "But I wanted to go to the Taaaaaaaashi station and pick up some powwwwwer converrrrrrrters" Skywalker, get this great James Earl Jones voice? It must be the helmet. I want a helmet like that.
which Episode II character are you?
Probably the greatest Jedi Knight of all. Like Obi Wan, you are wise and keep your feet on the ground at all times. You will not be outsmarted by anyone. You are always faithful to your friends. Be careful though, danger lurks around every corner - you could even be betrayed by those closest to you.
:: how jedi are you? ::[via Note to Self]
Your average Star Wars watcher might only know Bib Fortuna as "Jabba's butler with snakes coming out of his head", whereas fans can recognize people like him and Boba Fett (even before Han Solo calls him by name in Return of the Jedi), know that Greedo is a Rodian, and know what a Twiilek is (oh god, I have just outed myself as an enormous dork, but I swear - my dad and sister are worse). But who the heck knows the names of characters who were only in the film for five seconds? Apparently this guy: The Big Ass Tribute To The Forgotten Heroes of Star Wars.
[also via not.so.soft - Meg's on a roll today!]
Why the Star Wars I-III Trilogy Does Not Work as Well as the IV-VI Trilogy (a Five Minute Thought On the Way to Women And Art Class):
- No one (or at least not me) would think to call Star Wars IV "the introduction one" or V "the romance one" or VI "the one with the big battle". I think that oversimplifying and telling us what to expect is dumb. In the original trilogy, they ALL had big battles. They ALL had romance.
- They ALL had entertaining creatures that spoke foreign languages instead of strangely-accented English. If you know me, you know that this is my beef in EVERY movie, not just SW.
- I think movies these days, to quote Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park, get carried away with what they can do and don't stop to think about what they should do. Special FX are cool when they're appropriate, but above all, you need a story and dialogue that reach out and grab people.
Off I go.
