srah blah blah

9:35am: You should be dancin'... yeah!

1.5 bottles of water down, out of four. Mustn't think about bladder. Must think instead about the fun scary Japanese-inspired dreams that all of this water may produce. Except that last time it was because my system was being cleansed and this time all that water's just sitting there and I can't get rid of it. Stop! Think of something else! Think instead about the bright, glowing clear complexion I will have after drinking all of this water flushes all of the impurities from my syste-- did I say flush? Hmmmm. It's early in the day. A little demon on my shoulder suggests that I could still make up this water if I went and peed right now... NO! I must be strong!

10:25am: The spirit was willing, but the flesh... really had to pee

I made it through the 10:00 break without temptation, but it got to the point where I couldn't hear a word Michael said, underneath the screaming demons in my head telling me to go pee. So I did. I can still make it up, right?

11:30am: Please rename the friggin protocol...

Why do I have to drink all of this water on the day that we're reviewing IP? I've had another bottle and a half. All I can hear is blah blah blah I pee blah blah I pee blah I pee. I am going to go crazy. Once again, I have had to get up in the middle of a lecture and leave the room. Once again, I have failed.

12:45: It's not polite to stare at the junkie crack-whore

After 540, I drank another two bottles of water, made it through the bus ride, hobbled down the hill to my car and sped, moaning, to the hospital. I somehow managed to get out of the car, hobble into the hospital, and find the radiology department. I hopped up and down at the check-in and asked how long it would be. She said they were right on time, so I would be able to go in at 1:00 as scheduled. Of course it was then 12:45 because they'd asked me to arrive early to check in. Beautiful.

I sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes. People were called in. I got up out of my chair and hobbled around the room. I sat back down. I hobbled. I sat. I sat with my legs crossed and bouncing. I sweated and shivered and shook and occasionally let out little moans. Finally, I went up to the desk and asked how much longer it would be.

"They're prepping your room now," I was told. Relieved, I sat down and watched as three other people were called before me. At 1:15, my name was finally called and I hobbled back into the radiology area.

"How long is this going to be?" I moaned.

"About ten minutes," she replied, leading me to my room, "You look like you're suffering."

I apologized and explained that I'd only been able to drink about half of what was prescribed. But when we got to the room, she went to examine me... and discovered that my bladder was too full. Too full! So I had to go... erm, empty it a bit, to the point where I was actually comfortable. If only I had known this a half an hour early. It was the most beautiful experience on earth.