srah blah blah

Who are you and what are you doing in my house?

My errand o' the day was to pick Howie up at the groomer's. "Groomer's". Sounds fancy. Perhaps I should say "Haircutting Place". Or "Furcutting". I wouldn't call this place a "Groomer's" because he always ends up looking like a cross between a rat and a lizard.

A tangential story about the Furcutting Place is that it's in a building that until recently was some kind of Asian Health Spa or something that got shut down when it was revealed as a brothel. After the Furcutters moved in, they kept getting boxes of high-heeled shoes in the mail. Back to story.

As I drove over to the Furcutting Place, I was imagining a scenario where I asked for Howie and they gave me some completely different dog.

"What features does this dog have?" I asked the imaginary Furcutting Place lady.
"What?" she asked, confused.
"I was just wondering if this was supposed to be an upgrade from the dog we brought in and what advantages it had over our old model."

I waited while the stupid woman at the Furcutting Place talked to her other customer and ignored me. I waited while she looked to see if we'd prepaid. She couldn't find any record, so she decided we had. I hope we hadn't. I waited while she went into the back to see if anyone knew what Howie looked like.

She came out with Howie on a leash. He looked like a rat-lizard. She was about to hand me the leash when she suddenly pulled back.

"This isn't Howie," she said. I stared at him. Sure looked like Howie. She explained that they had two cocker spaniels there that day. Sure looked like Howie to me. Why don't they label their dogs, anyway? Her judgment that this dog was not Howie was based on the fact that he was dirty. He wasn't dirty. She was blind.

She decided it was Howie, after all, but now she had me confused. I had to check him over. He had Howie's skin problems, which was why she thought he was dirty. He had tags from Howie's various veterinarians. He didn't answer to "Howie", which was a pretty sure indication that it was him. I decided if he wasn't Howie, he was close enough. Any dog other than Howie would be an upgrade, anyway.

srah - Friday, 6 September 2002 - 3:31 PM
Tags: haircut, howie

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