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I'm cleaning out my clawzit under my bed

I found my papers from Grenoble while digging around under my bed. I looked at one of my assignments, which was to write an imaginary break-up letter, using various subjunctive-triggering phrases. This was the result:

Salut:

Comme dit Serge Gainsbourg : je suis venue te dire que je m'en vais. Tout sympa que tu as été, j'ai trouvé un nouveau petit ami. J'ai voulu t'écrire une lettre pour te dire tout ce que j'ai dû supporter pendant les quatre jours que nous avons passés ensemble, pour que tu puisses corriger les défauts de ton caractère afin de trouve une nouvelle petite amie.

Bien que j'aie dit le contraire, tes collections de timbres ne m'ont pas impressionnée. Si nombreux qu'ils soient, ce sont tous des timbres français que tu viens d'acheter à la Poste.

Je veux te dire aussi que tu es chauve. Tu as beau arranger n'importe comment les trois cheveux qui te restent, pourtant il n'y en a que trois.

Au risque de te donner une crise émotionnelle, je te dis que tu es trop sensible. Les femmes aiment bien un homme qui n'a pas peur de montrer ses émotions, toutefois il ne fallait pas pleurer quand nous sommes allés voir « La Tour Montparnasse infernale » ou le cirque. Où que nous soyons allés, tu as pleurniché et j'en ai marre ! Et je ne suis pas un mouchoir !

Quand bien même j'essayerais, je ne pourrais pas supporter tous ces défauts, donc je te quitte. Malgré tous tes problèmes, il me reste l'espoir qu'il y a quelqu'un dans le monde qui ne les remarquera pas et que tu trouveras l'amour quand même.

And in English:

Hi :

As Serge Gainsbourg said: I've come to tell you I'm leaving. As nice as you were, I've found a new boyfriend. I wanted to write you a letter to tell you everything I had to put up with during the four days we spent together, so that you can correct all of your character flaws and find a new girlfriend.

Although I said the opposite, your stamp collections didn't impress me. As numerous as they were, they were all French stamps that you had just bought at the post office.

I also want to tell you that you are bald. Go ahead and arrange however you like those three hairs you have left, but there are still only three.

At the risk of giving you an emotional breakdown, I will tell you that you are too sensitive. Women like a man who isn't afraid to show his feelings, but you really didn't need to cry when we saw "La Tour Montparnasse Infernale" [a very stupid comedy] or the circus. Wherever we went, you sniffled, and I've had enough of it! And I'm not a handkerchief!

As much as I could try, I would never be able to put up with your faults, so I'm leaving you. Despite all of these problems, I still have hope that there is someone in the world who won't notice them and you will find love anyway.

What a fun assignment. I should make my students do that in English.

srah - Tuesday, 10 September 2002 - 12:49 AM
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