I'm afraid those things'll harm me/ 'Cause they sure don't act like Barney/ And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend

nablopomo2008color.jpgThis is a story that I made up last night to prove to a friend that he was a terrible storyteller and that I could make up a story on the spot. I am sharing it with you so that I don't have to think of anything else to blog today. I only have so much creative energy, folks!

Once upon a time, there was a happy little Tyrannosaurus Rex. T-Rex would traipse gleefully through the forest, stomping on everything in his path¹. One day, just as he was about to trample some protomammal and destroy the potential for all mammalkind, a fairy appeared to him.

"Stop your stomping, T-Rex!" she admonished. "It is time for you to find a new hobby!"

"But I so enjoy stomping!" cried the T-Rex.

"Nonetheless, you are stomping on poor defenseless creatures and it's time to put an end to it," continued the fairy, "Why don't you talk to some of your friends and ask them about their hobbies?"

So the T-Rex went to visit his friend the Triceratops.

"What do you do for fun?" asked the T-Rex.

"I like bowling!" answered the Triceratops. The T-Rex wanted to learn more about this hobby, so he asked his Triceratops friend to take him bowling. Unfortunately, when they got there, there were no bowling shoes in the T-Rex's size, and he stomped all over the lanes and crushed the bowling balls under his feet.

"I don't think bowling is the hobby for me," the T-Rex said forlornly. "I will never find a hobby!"

But he kept trying. The T-Rex visited his friend the Dromiceiomimus.

"I like volleyball!" said the Dromiceiomimus. She invited the T-Rex to play volleyball with her, but the T-Rex's arms were too small to reach the ball.

The T-Rex was sad, but he didn't give up. Next, he visited his friend the Pterodactyl.

"I like knitting!" said the Pterodactyl. The T-Rex thought this might be a useful hobby, because he could make Christmas presents for his friends. But when the Pterodactyl tried to teach him, the T-Rex found he didn't have the hand-eye coordination for knitting. He cried a big Tyrannosaurus tear.

"Cheer up," said his Brontosaurus friend, who happened to be passing at that time.

"What's your hobby?" asked the T-Rex, sniffing and dabbing daintily at his tears with a handkerchief.

"I like to make wine!" said the Brontosaurus. "Would you like to learn more about that?"

"I guess so," said the T-Rex.

"Well, first you have to press all the grapes by stomping on them," explained the Brontosaurus.

"I get to stomp?!" exclaimed the T-Rex, "I'm sold!" So the T-Rex joined his friend the Brontosaurus in his wine-making hobby and they stomped and stomped and stomped.

The End

(The moral of the story is that you have to play to your own strengths, and also you shouldn't stomp on protomammals and destroy all mammalkind.)

¹ Any resemblance to the T-Rex in Dinosaur Comics is on purpose purely coincidental, because I just assume that all Tyrannosauruses Rex (?) enjoy stomping.

srah - Thursday, 20 November 2008 - 5:29 PM
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Comments (6)

gravatar alfie - November 21, 2008 - 12:52 AM -

"Jurassic Park" by Weird Al Yankovic.

The stomping wasn't the only rip off, dear sister.

gravatar alfie - November 21, 2008 - 12:53 AM -

Was it the next door neighbor? This sounds like the type of story you would tell him.

gravatar srah - November 21, 2008 - 7:12 AM -

Yep and yep. Was there a Dinosaur Comic where T-Rex decided to make his own wine? Or do you mean the appearance of the Dromiceiomimus? That was an homage.

gravatar Cheryl - November 21, 2008 - 8:15 AM -

You really should get this published. In print and everything.

gravatar srah - November 21, 2008 - 8:37 AM -

Thank you. I was telling my dad on the phone yesterday that I didn't think it would sell as a children's book, what with all the wine and stuff. My dad suggested it could be a children's book in Italy.

gravatar Jason - November 22, 2008 - 10:07 PM -

This was a much better story than me trying to retell/summarize Princess Bride from memory. I'm looking forward to the sequel.

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