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In which I call shenanigans on United Airlines

Tuesday, March 25 - Wednesday, March 26

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, I checked my flight status and discovered that my flight from San Francisco to Chicago was delayed something ridiculous like 4.5 hours. So I called United and asked them to change this in some way, even if it involved putting me on a different airline. "Okie doke," the operator replied (although perhaps not in those words), and she booked me on a US Airways flight leaving slightly earlier that would take me through Charlotte instead. However, she told me, I would have to stop by the United counter when I arrived at the airport, before proceeding to the US Airways one.

Cari and I got sandwiches from Little Lucca on the way to the airport so that I would have something to eat while I waited, or once I got on the plane. Then we went on to the airport.

There were huge lines at the United area, but I didn't need to check in there - I just had to find someone to talk to and figure out what I needed to do at the United desk before going on to US Airways. Unfortunately, the lines were so long and it was so hard to find anyone to talk to, that by the time I actually talked to a human being, it was less than 90 minutes before my US Airways flight, and I had basically missed my check-in. But that's okay, because it turned out that no one had actually MADE the reservation they told me about over the phone, and I WAS still scheduled for the delayed flight, and there was no other way they could get me to Dayton. I was near tears but the desk agent assured me that this was an equipment problem - rather than the normal O'Hare excuse of "weather" - and therefore United would be giving me a hotel voucher, meal vouchers, etc. So I agreed to go with the horribly delayed flight, checked my bag, went through security, and then when I got to my part of the terminal, I went immediately to the customer service desk to collect my vouchers and confirm that there was no other way to get me to Dayton. I was not going to make the same mistakes I'd made on the way to San Francisco, of trusting anything that one United agent told me.

I stood in line for about an hour before I finally got to talk to an agent. As I stood in line, they started making announcements about weather problems in Chicago, and how this was delaying our flight. BULLSHIT, I thought, They are NOT going to try to get out of these vouchers now, just because the weather got bad. When I got to the agent, I told him that I had been told it was an equipment problem rather than weather, and that I wanted my vouchers. He explained that the weather was bad, I explained - in more polite terms - that that was bullshit, and he said that he couldn't issue the vouchers and he would call someone to come talk to me, if I could just stand over there for a moment.

I stood aside for about half an hour, charging my phone and waiting for this mystery person to arrive. After half an hour, I went back up to the desk and asked if this person was coming. He assured me that she was and that I should wait a little longer. I waited another 15 minutes or so, and then saw that agent putting on his coat and walking away frm the customer service area. I chased him down and asked him if I should still be waiting for this person and he said that the guy would be coming soon and that I should check with one of the other gate agents if I wanted him called again. Oh boy, more bullshit! This mysterious person - who I was already suspecting did not exist - had just changed genders!

I got back in the line - which fortunately by this time was shorter - because I hadn't formed the kind of relationship with any of the other agents that I had with my friend back there. The one who was free when I got to the front of the line seemed to be the guy in charge (based on the fact that he was wearing a jacket, rather than a short-sleeved shirt and tie). I told him my predicament and that - again, more politely than this - I didn't want any more bullshit about the weather, and he immediately printed out my meal vouchers, explaining that the hotel and breakfast vouchers would be waiting for me in Chicago. AND THIS GUY - WHO APPARENTLY HAD THE POWER TO PRINT VOUCHERS - HAD BEEN STANDING THERE THE WHOLE TIME I HAD BEEN DEALING WITH THE OTHER GUY AND WAITING FOR THE MYSTERY PERSON TO ARRIVE.

I hate you, United. Unfortunately, I have had awful customer service like this on almost all airlines at this point, so I've almost come to accept that I am going to be treated horribly when flying, and I'm probably still just going to make my decision based on price, without factoring in my hatred for particular airlines. I HATE AIRLINES.

The thing is, I had this gigantic sandwich from Little Lucca to eat, so I didn't really need meal vouchers. It was the principle of the thing. So I blew it all on tea and sesame buns, because - hey! Dim sum in an airport! Dayton does not have anything like that. I ate my sandwich, packed my spoils into my bags, and wandered the airport for a few hours. Finally the plane boarded. I think they got a different/improved plane than they'd originally planned, because a lot of people who had originally been in Economy had been upgraded to Economy Plus. Apparently the benefits of Economy Plus are marginally larger legroom (which I don't use much of anyway) and an annoying child installed in the row behind you. I didn't see him board, so I had to imagine how old he was. Based on his behavior - four hours of constantly kicking the seat in front of him and singing the jingle from the horrible freecreditreport.com commercials over and over again at about four times the speed and eight times the volume used in the actual commercial - I guessed that he was about five years old, but when the flight was over and I actually got to see (and glare at) him, he turned out to be more like ten or eleven. Certainly too old to behave like that. His mother paid no attention to the kid's bad behavior, although his teenaged brother was clearly embarrassed and kept trying to stop him and told the kid, "Let's get off this plane as quickly as possible because everyone on here hates you now." How observant, teenaged brother! I only wish I'd had the opportunity to "accidentally" drop something out of the overhead bin onto the kid's head, but unfortunately I had nothing stored up there.

We got to Chicago and fortunately United lived up to their word and provided us with hotel and meal vouchers. I got to stay in the airport Hilton because I had one of the earliest flights out the next morning. Unfortunately we arrived after midnight, so there were no shops or anything open in the airport. I went to bed, although I didn't sleep very well because I was so paranoid about missing my flight.

The next morning I got dressed in the same clothes I'd worn the previous day. Fortunately I had thought to pack my glasses and a change of socks and underwear in my carryon, but unfortunately I had chucked all of my toiletries into my checked luggage, including my toothbrush, toothpaste and deodorant. I had a swish with the hotel mouthwash, bought some deodorant in the hotel gift shop which I applied in the airport bathroom, and got to the airport about 90 minutes before my flight... which apparently was more than I needed, because my bag was already checked. It meant I could use my vouchers for a leisurely breakfast. I asked the woman at the gate if she would give me a free upgrade for the trip from Chicago to Dayton, but she said they weren't doing that so I didn't bother giving her my whole tale of woe and threats never to fly United again. Besides, in the sort of dinky planes and short flight between Chicago and Dayton, business class doesn't make a whole lot of difference.

I finally arrived at the airport, where my boss very kindly came to pick me up (on his birthday!) and we went back to Srahtown, where I could finally re-shower, change into clean clothes, and use all my own toiletries. I walked to work and back that day (the weather was very nice for once), called and found out that my car was ready, and a friend took me to pick it up in Middletown the next day.

It was lovely to see so many charming people during my trip to the Bay Area, and I hope to come to your delightful part of the world again soon. The End!

srah - Saturday, 19 April 2008 - 12:52 PM
Tags: airlines, california, food, san francisco, travel, united airlines

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