I suppose There's Something About Mary would have been worse

It takes me forever to get around to getting a haircut. Frequently I'll go three or four months between haircuts, because it seems like such a waste of money to spend it on my head, which I hardly even ever look at. But I thought it was important to chop off some of the stringy mess so that I could look presentable in Seattle, so off I went to the salonnnnn¹.

The hair-cutting lady² and I didn't get off to a good start, because she asked me if I was a student, then was relentless in her quest to convince me that I need highlights, and that highlights would make my hair look thicker. Since I had already told her that I only ever get my hair cut every three months or so and that I sometimes use mousse and a blowdrier if I get around to it, it doesn't seem like a higher-maintenance hair production was called for. Then I zoned out while she was cutting and she kept thinking I was frowning at her instead of my thoughts, and I felt like she was getting mad and I didn't know how to defend myself because she stopped the hair-cutting lady banter and continued in this gruff professional silence after I told her that I didn't want highlights.

As we got near the end of the haircut, she asked me if I wanted layering in the front. I had been daydreaming again and not really thinking about my hair. Why do the hair-cutting ladies ask me such difficult questions? I don't know. I just want it how it usually is. Does that involve layering? I don't know. I am terrible at a) knowing how I want my hair cut and b) expressing that to the hair-cutting lady in proper hair-cutting terms. This probably has something to do with the fact that I only go to the salonnnnn every three months or so, and forget everything in between.

So I told her I didn't. She finished it and styled it and I thought it looked okay, but it turns out that it's a little too long and a little too straight and it's one of those haircuts that I have no hope of properly styling on my own, so it just sits there. But really, I have no one to blame but myself, because she asked me how I wanted it done and when she was done she asked me if I liked it. And at the time, I thought it was fine.

Yesterday was the first day I had to take a shot at styling it, and I spent all day trying to figure out who I reminded myself of. When I finally remembered, I was really embarrassed, because telling people that I remind myself of this girl would force me to admit that I watched this movie on TV last weekend. What can I say? It came on after my mom's favorite movie and I didn't bother to change the channel. It is a terrible terrible movie, and now I feel as though I am connected to it via hairstyle. Maybe I'll have to get an early haircut next time... after only two months.

¹ That is me pronouncing "salon" in a sarcastically hoity-toity fashion, because I would much rather call it "the hair-cutting place".

² See? I couldn't keep up the hoity-toitiness for long.

srah - Thursday, 15 March 2007 - 10:52 AM

Comments (3)

gravatar Sarah - March 15, 2007 - 1:19 PM -

Oh my God, I've been meaning to get this down for ages now...There is such a delicate equilibrium involved in the hair cutting experience. For the first time ever in my life, I possessed the business card of a hair stylist and I actually consulted her schedule before making an appointment and went back to her THREE times (like you, over the course of a year or so).

The first two times we were thick as thieves, I tell you. She gave me a daycare tip. We laughed about stretch marks. I told her about my dad's white man's Afro. The third time the chemistry was just gone. I was talking too quietly for her to hear my dumb jokes, so she didn't laugh, then would say, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" like 30 seconds later...I told her that I'd toured her daycare and was sad that there wasn't an opening until next year...She obviously didn't remember telling me about her son's daycare and looked very creeped out.

It was all so very bad.

Now I have to find a new place. And I'm never remaining faithful to a stylist ever again.

gravatar Cheryl - March 16, 2007 - 7:14 AM -

I think the opposite. If you find a stylist you like and, even if you go back only every three months, chances are you'll end up with a hair style you like. I only get my hair cut every 6 months, but I go to the same stylist every time, and I don't even live in the same state anymore! Although she does know me, so she wouldn't be creeped out if I said something about her son's daycare (actually, she might because she's never said anything about his daycare, so then I really would be a stalker, not just a presumed stalker).

gravatar krista. - March 16, 2007 - 8:22 AM -

I sort of have a stylist by proxy because Sarah has one, and I've gone to her before, and she didn't suck. I'd much prefer sticking with her every two years (yes, it was that long between cuts...shut up) than trying to find someone new in this hipster's/hausfrau's paradise.

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