The Secret of the Surreptitious Spammer

I am really not much of a Girl Sleuth. I am not Nancy Drew. I am not Nan or Flossie Bobbsey. I am not even Encyclopedia Brown, and most of his cases were solved not through any actual sleuthing, but through knowledge of trivia or logic.

If I were a Bobbsey Twin, I would have staked out my mailbox and watched for suspicious-looking characters putting things into it. If I were Nancy Drew, I might have dusted the spam messages for fingerprints. If I were any kind of semi-professional Girl Detective, I might at least have narrowed it down to a few suspects.

Instead, my detecting strategy consisted of going up to everyone I could think of and shouting, "Did you send me spam?!" It was not a very covert operation at all. I did this by process of elimination and avoided asking my last suspect for as long as possible so that if it turned out it wasn't him, I would not be floundering in confusion and uncertainty.

If I were a Girl Sleuth, this is how today's exchange would have played out.

Encyclopedia Srah spotted the suspect as he held the door for the class.

"HAVE YOU BEEN SPAMMING ME?!" she questioned him as she walked through. She then, very anticlimactically, had to wait for the rest of the class to enter before she could follow up her investigation or hear his answer.

"Hey!" she continued once she had him in the classroom investigation room, "Did you send me that spam? It was you, wasn't it?! ... wasn't it? It was, wasn't it?"

"What?" said Young Matthew, twirling his curly black moustache and looking wildly around the room, "I didn't send you three spam messages yesterday. I don't know what you're talking about."

The moral of the story is: It is always Matt. Don't even bother asking anyone else, because it is always Matt.

srah - Wednesday, 10 March 2004 - 1:09 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:

Comments (12)

gravatar Nancy Drew - March 10, 2004 - 1:25 PM -

I would have guessed that it was him. But that is because I am super-sleuthy.

gravatar katie - March 10, 2004 - 1:34 PM -

Did I at least get an honorable mention on your suspect list? I mean... I'm kinda clever... albeit far away... but still!

gravatar Greg - March 10, 2004 - 2:20 PM -

Dude, get the formatting right. It should have been:

"It was you, wasn't it?"


"It WAS!"


(with the answer in the back or upside down on the same page)

gravatar katie - March 10, 2004 - 4:19 PM -


gravatar Mike - March 10, 2004 - 9:12 PM -

Anyone ever read the Hardy Boys? Like chapter 1 was full of "This reminds me of our last adventure The Haunted Lighthouse" type stuff and telling who the characters were. Also, the last chapter had a teaser for the next book.

Mike wrote, leaving his comment, thinking of the the comment he would leave in Comment Number Thirteen: The Comment That Wouldn't Die available where all comments are sold

gravatar Matt S. - March 10, 2004 - 11:08 PM -

I was always rather partial to the Three Investigators...

gravatar katie - March 11, 2004 - 8:24 AM -

Which series was Jupiter Jones from?

gravatar Buzz - March 11, 2004 - 8:43 AM -

Hey, I thought I was the only one who ever read The Bobbsey Twins!

Excellent sleuthing, by the way.

gravatar RaynDragon - March 11, 2004 - 3:33 PM -

Went through a Nancy Drew stage myself, still have a whole slew of hardback copies. I also read some Bobbsey Twins. No mention of Trixie Belden here though - I read those too.

Nowadays I don't like reading mysteries, odd that I'm involved in writing one. hrm.

gravatar Matt S. - March 11, 2004 - 11:09 PM -

Katie --> Jupiter Jones was in the Three Investigators (along with Bob Andrews and Pete Crenshaw).

gravatar katie - March 12, 2004 - 7:57 AM -

That's it! Ah, the memories!

gravatar Matt S. - March 12, 2004 - 10:42 AM -

Fantastic, huh? I always enjoyed the cameos that Alfred Hitchcock made at the end.

Blog Directory - Blogged