Denial of (health) service

My Programming instructor has spent the last several weeks detailing his ongoing relationship with pneumonia. First he was flirting with it, then winking across the room, then holding hands, then he and pneumonia deep tongue-kissing. He told us all of these tales, then coughed across the table at us during lab.

I got sick this week and while I'm sure it's only a cold, it occurred to me that Hans could be contagious. Once this seed of an idea was planted in my head, the hypochondria took off and flourished, until I decided, at about 4:15 this afternoon, that I did indeed have pneumonia and I needed to see a healthcare professional immediately.

I called the University Health Services from work.

"I was wondering if it would be possible to fit me in this afternoon?" I asked.

"Well, we close at 4:30 today, so I don't think you would make it."

She rambled on about how I could come in tomorrow around 9, but we're leaving for DC at 9, so that wouldn't work for me. I was going to give up and just pray I didn't have anything other than a cold when she offered to connect me to a nurse, who could give me a basic diagnosis through the phone.

"Sure, why not?"

She put me on hold. I waited. Someone picked up and asked me why I was calling. I started to tell her my symptoms and she said, "Oh, I'm not the nurse." She put me back on hold. Someone else who wasn't the nurse picked up. She put me back on hold. Finally, the nurse answered. She asked me what my symptoms were and I told her that I was phlegmy and had some shortness of breath.

"I can't really diagnose anything over the phone," she explained. "You should probably come down here."

!!!!!!!!!! UHS is also short for UnHelpful Suck!

So I quickly explained to my boss that I had to get over there, shut down my computer and ran across campus. I hit Fletcher Street just as the bell tower was tolling 4:30 and ran two buildings down to UHS... only to find that it was closed. I begged the official door-answerer to no avail. DENIED!

So hopefully it's all in my mind and I won't be hospitalized in DC unless it's for the subway collapsing on my head.

srah - Friday, 20 February 2004 - 5:55 PM

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Comments (2)

gravatar Urs - February 20, 2004 - 11:06 PM -

how sucky

take vitamins and those zinc thingies

gravatar frank - February 21, 2004 - 3:17 PM -

I'm sorry. My experience with UHS this week sucked as well. I waited close to an hour and a half just to have some internist (or whatever this individual was) tell me I needed to get rest and drink fluids and take Advil. I could have gotten that advice from my dog.

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