Am I not... INVISIBLE?!

(Sometimes I think that I subconsciously make things happen in my life so that I can use the titles I want to use)

I went to buy some lentil soup at Rendez-Vous Café today, because I am dangerously addicted to it. I could, quite possibly, survive for the rest of my life on lentil soup, tea and Junior Mints. And wouldn't that be healthy?

I went in with the intention of buying lentil soup, then realized I was running late, so I would have to settle for potato pie. But they were out of potato pie, so I had to settle-settle for thyme pie. Who makes a pie out of thyme*?

I stood around and got ignored for a while, then Jim** turned to me. Jim likes to wear gloves when he is handling food, which I find admirable from a hygienic point of view. Of course, he also likes to wear the same gloves while handling money, which completely defeats the purpose. But I suppose it keeps his hands clean.

I ordered my thyme pie and Jimbo went to work on the various steps involved in heating it up. Then two attractive - or at least not as frumpy, sleep-deprived and bespectacled as yours truly - girls came in and ordered crêpes and Jim wandered off into the back to make them, ignoring my poor little pie.

I waited and waited for Jim to return. He did. Then he went back into the back. Then he came back out. Then he returned to the crêpes. All the while, my pie was sitting at the end of the conveyor belt of the pie-heating-machine. It was a bit darker than I would have liked, because Jim couldn't be arsed to change the settings for my poor darling pie (this is how I was referring to the pie in my head. Damn, I was hungry). And now it was burnt and cold.

Finally, when Jim disappeared into the back again, I started staring at the other employee. After helping everyone in line, refilling the coffee containers and checking on Jim's crêpe-making progress, she noticed me trying to get her attention.

"Is that my pie?" I whimpered, pointing. She found the poor little pastry, forgotten and forlorn at the end of the conveyor belt, and made me a new one, which was golden brown and warm when it finally came to me.

The moral of the story is: Even short people get pie. It just takes longer. Or something***.

* Actually, it was quite tasty and ground up, sort of like a pesto-consistency. But it does sound weird.
** So called because I think that's his name and even if it isn't, I don't care.
*** Don't tell anyone, but the real moral of the story is: Tell a pointless story about pie and maybe people will stop talking about Borders.

srah - Tuesday, 2 December 2003 - 12:27 AM
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Comments (12)

gravatar Urs - December 2, 2003 - 1:41 AM -

I like rendez-vous because they have good mochas, but the people scare me. you need to show me which one is jim because I may know who you are talking about

gravatar Court - December 2, 2003 - 5:06 AM -

That has happened to me all too many times. It's usually when a blonde walks in the room. Bastard men.

gravatar pie-ku richard - December 2, 2003 - 9:08 AM -

Wanted Lentil Soup
Settled instead for Thyme Pie
Jimbo wears his gloves

Priority, crpes
I am neither tall nor blonde
Pie was burnt yet cold

Eventually
One without testosterone
Fixed me up again

Warm and Golden Brown
So shut up about borders
and get on with life

gravatar tbone - December 2, 2003 - 11:12 AM -

I'm confused--you were running late, but still had time to wait for this pie? Why didn't you just get the lentil soup? Why does lentil soup take longer than pie? Don't they just serve it up from a crock pot or something?

gravatar Spike - December 2, 2003 - 11:19 AM -

tbone's spot on... all that time you waited, you could have had lentil soup. Major bummer!!

And as for the sexist comment - "It's usually when a blonde walks in the room. Bastard men." - typical. I suppose you've never ignored the kind, fat, geeky guy in favour of the asshole bar-steward who happens to be good looking? Of course not. Pah.

gravatar srah - December 2, 2003 - 12:41 PM -

But you can eat a pie in transit and you can't be spooning lentil soup into your mouth as you walk. At least I can't, because I wouldn't be able to direct the spoon to my mouth and watch where I'm going at the same time. I'm coordinated like that.

But I got my lentil soup today!

gravatar katie - December 3, 2003 - 9:11 AM -

I would ignore BOTH the fat geeky guy AND the good-looking asshole barkeep. Actually, I would probably make fun of the fat geeky guy and say something rude and scathing to the asshole barkeep.

THEN I would ignore them.

gravatar srah - December 3, 2003 - 11:09 AM -

Yeah, me too. Is there a skinny geeky guy with an accent in this bar? Never mind, anyway, because I don't talk to strangers.

gravatar alfie - December 3, 2003 - 12:28 PM -

Is there a skinny geeky guy with an accent in this bar? Never mind, anyway, because I don't talk to strangers.

Hmmm.

gravatar katie - December 3, 2003 - 1:11 PM -

Wow. Nice memory.

gravatar srah - December 3, 2003 - 2:13 PM -

SHUT UP! You are fired.

gravatar alfie - December 3, 2003 - 3:42 PM -

You can't fire me because I fire you!

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