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Lying on my back, the tears pour into my ears

What am I doing here? Why am I here, doing somethign I am no good at? Why am I wasting my time and theirs, when nothing I do does any good? I don't know if I want to be alone or if I want a hug. I want my mommy. I want my boyfriend. I don't want to be alone and miserable with no one who loves me and be surrounded by people who don't even respect me. Why? Why am I so ineffective? Why am I alone? What am I doing? Is it me? Why can't I do this? Why hasn't it gotten any easier? Why isn't it over yet? When this year is over, will I be able to look back on the good things, or will I always have this feeling of waste and failure and inadequacy? Of loneliness and homesickness? Will I be genuinely able to recommend this to others? Would others suffer the way I'm suffering now, or is it just me? Am I being too hard on myself, or am I really as useless and ineffective as I feel?

srah - Monday, 17 March 2003 - 11:39 AM
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