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Wasting away to nothing

Would you hate me if I told you that one of my big problems at the moment seems to be that I've lost weight? I don't remember this happening in Grenoble, but these days my pants seem to hang a bit lower, which means I have to cuff them, then I keep stepping on the cuffs and I have to yank them up so as not to expose my underpants. Whereas other people try diet after diet, I have never had any desire to lose weight, and here I am with what butt I had rapidly disappearing. Thus I bring you...

srah's diet tips

Be easily distracted and get easily bored while eating. Then at some point during dinner you will see something shiny across the room and when you remember what you were doing and come back, your food will be cold and unappetizing.

Live alone. If you're only cooking for yourself, you have no one to impress, so you can make the same really boring stuff night after night.

Be lazy. This ensures that you will probably only have two courses at the most - a main dish followed by a yogurt or fruit or cookies - something that doesn't require work or preparation.

Be poor. If you are trying to make those last 90€ last until you get paid at the end of this week when you will hopefully be paid, you will not be buying yourself exciting, fun new things you've never tried before. You will be eating pasta and salad.

Be forgetful. If you suddenly realize at 11pm that you forgot to eat dinner, it's simply too late and you'll have to wait until breakfast.

Don't eat anywhere comfortable. Although you want to eat in bed where it's nice and warm and comfy, you would spill stuff all over it. Instead, sit in a chair facing the bed, so that while you're eating, all you can think of is how much you would like to be finished with dinner and in your pyjamas.

srah - Monday, 27 January 2003 - 6:39 AM
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