Becky called me a murderer

I hit a raccoon tonight as I was driving Alex home from the movie theatre. I think it was unavoidable, but I'm having trouble distinguishing reality from the lies I've been telling myself to make me feel better. I think there was a car coming from the other direction and another one right behind me. I think he came out of nowhere. I know I tried to avoid actually running him over, hoping that the car would just pass over him, but I felt a thump.

When I drove back home, I scanned the road for him, hoping that I would see him. If he was there, that meant that I killed him. If he wasn't, that could mean that I injured him and he managed to crawl off the road and suffer a lot before he died. Or it could mean that I only stunned him and he rolled off the road and went about his raccoony business.

I didn't see him on the way home. I don't know what that means. I hope he wasn't a mommy raccoon. I hope he didn't suffer. I don't know what to do with myself right now, other than cry and cry and cry.

srah - Tuesday, 4 June 2002 - 11:26 PM

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