I should not be allowed to shop alone

SCENE: A BOARDROOM SOMEWHERE IN MARKETINGLAND

TEH BIG BOSS: I have this great idea. We'll market toothpaste in strange flavors.

UNDERLING #1: Uh, sir, our customers are pretty attached to their traditional mint flavors, with a small portion of the population preferring cinnamon. It will be hard to get them out of that niche. But what did you have in mind?

TEH BIG BOSS: How about vanilla? And LEMON! Lemon sounds like a good plan. We'll throw cinnamon in there aaaaand, let's see. Mint. But we'll add herbs to it!

UNDERLING #1: Um...

TEH BIG BOSS: People won't want to commit to these flavors right away so we'll sell them as a "variety pack"! Four little tubes of toothpaste instead of one big tube.

UNDERLING #2: With all due respect, sir, I think that our customers will realize that when you buy four little tubes of toothpaste, you actually get a lot less toothpaste, because a lot more is wasted when you have four tube-ends to squeeze out than one. And I don't think that the idea of a "variety pack" is going to be appealing enough to overcome that, especially when the flavors in the pack are things like vanilla and lemon.

TEH BIG BOSS: You're fired, Underling #2. You seem to overestimate our target audience. Do you even know who our target audience is? It's the kind of person who is so intrigued by variety that she has absolutely no common sense and will ignore the waste and the scary flavors.

UNDERLING #1: But sir, where could we find such a customer?

CUT TO:

I haven't even gotten to the vanilla one yet, but for the record, Lemon Ice is gross.

srah - Wednesday, 23 November 2005 - 10:40 AM
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Comments (8)

gravatar Cari - November 23, 2005 - 1:30 PM -

Yes...lemon toothpaste sounds gross. I like the whole minty fresh concept.

gravatar Jamie - November 23, 2005 - 1:46 PM -

Oh, but I would buy it, too. I have to try out new stuff, especially when it sounds gross.

gravatar Gary LaPointe - November 24, 2005 - 2:30 PM -

If you decide they're all no good, you could just mix them all together and see how they taste...

gravatar jafer - November 25, 2005 - 7:16 PM -

Hey, I just found you on a Blog Explosion surf and thought, "isn't that Srah - who was linked on Lobsterblog?"

And it has nothing to do with your post, but then I was wondering if you knew whatever happened to Spike at Lobsterblog since he used to put up quite a few posts about you. I thought maybe you were in the loop :)

gravatar srah - November 25, 2005 - 7:48 PM -

No, I have no idea! I never knew Spike in real life.

gravatar mike - November 27, 2005 - 1:37 PM -

Lemon just isn't a taste to associate with clean. Furthermore, the box is yellow--and yellow is definitely a color I associate with clean teeth. Crestyou cannot just get Emeril to say "bam!" and make we wanna buy your toothpaste

gravatar Fraulein N - November 28, 2005 - 9:06 AM -

I could have told you Lemon Ice was going to be vile. And I do associate lemon with clean, but it's more like clean FLOORS and whatnot.

gravatar Court - November 28, 2005 - 7:10 PM -

Hmmm...I, erm, uh, actually...kindalikedthelemon....

Oh, and I do believe the marketing for these products (or at least the Vanilla Mint) began on last year's The Apprentice...key to any product's success...

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