My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and run around fanning their mouths

When I went to the grocery store last week, I bought some tortilla chips and salsa, knowing that at some point, I would be homesick and need some good old-fashioned American food.

As I stooped by the exotic foods shelves, I saw one kind of dipping salsa. I couldn't see a label indicating whether it was Mild, Medium or Hot, but I knew that this is France and they are afraid of spicy things here, so if they only had one salsa style, it would probably be fine. So I tossed it in the cart along with the triangular chips, which were slightly cheaper than the round ones.

I opened both today, not because I was feeling any more homesick than usual but because I am the Ultimate in Lazy and they were both in my room, whereas for anything else I would have to climb two flights of stairs to the kitchen.

As I opened the chips, I noticed that they were marked 'Chili Flavour'. Well, that's exciting, I thought, Maybe it will liven up my salsa. Funny that I didn't notice, though. I guess I was so starving and in such a hurry that I was just kind of pulling things off shelves without looking carefully. I opened up the jar of salsa and scooped a generous pile onto the chip, then put it in my mouth.

My eyes teared up. Damn, these chips are very chili flavoured! I ate a chip on its own to see how it was, but it was only pleasantly spicy. The culprit was the salsa.

After examining the jar more closely, I came to realize that the reason I couldn't find a label was that the tiny red "HOT" marker blended in so well with the yellow-and-red Old El Paso label. I don't think I've ever willingly tasted hot salsa.

But I can't stop.

There's spice, yes, but there's also juicy tomato goodness! And if I can somehow get past the burning, I can taste this tomato goodness! I'll just try another and -- OW OW OW OW OW! Well, you know what would be good for this terrible, life-threatening burning? Nice cooling tomato! Like in this tomato salsa here -- OW OW OW OW OW! Oh my god, that was a terrible idea. I am not eating any more of this. I'm going to walk away and... well, now I'm getting kind of hungry. Maybe I'll just have a chip. Well, that chip was good, so maybe I'll have another. But the last one was so boring, so I'll have some salsa on it -- OW OW OW OW OW!

I should learn to read.

srah - Monday, 14 June 2004 - 12:11 PM

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Comments (7)

gravatar Jez - June 14, 2004 - 9:23 PM -

Is your grocery store 'Leader Price'? I always went there! Cheap'n'cheerful!

gravatar frank - June 14, 2004 - 10:11 PM -

Ah, yes ..... the curse of capsaicin!!!

gravatar Mr. T-bone - June 14, 2004 - 11:14 PM -

I totally understand not being able to stop even with the pain. Of course, my father's favorite meal of his whole life was so hot that he sat across from my mother with sweat beading on his bright red face, tears streaming from his eyes and his nose running like no tomorrow. It's probably in the genes.

gravatar srah - June 15, 2004 - 8:18 AM -

Nope, we shop at Champion.

Omigod! Mr tbone is here!

gravatar Smuj - June 15, 2004 - 1:08 PM -

If you can find the ingredients, you should try making your own salsa there. It's really easy: 2 or 3 big tomatoes (diced); a small onion, a few (2-3) jalapeno peppers and a clove or two of garlic (minced); and a little cilantro. Mix it all together, add half a lemon's worth of fresh lemon juice, and a little salt and pepper. (You can even cheat, and use canned vegetables and bottled lemon juice.)

Mmm, fresh salsa.

gravatar srah - June 15, 2004 - 1:30 PM -

Hmmm... not sure about the jalapenos... and it seems like a lot of effort to make salsa for one person! Maybe for a party!

gravatar Lisa - June 16, 2004 - 10:30 AM -

Hurts. So. Good.

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