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... So who ELSE should I add to my list of total jerks?

I found myself walking down the sidewalk yesterday behind a U-M football player. I can only surmise that he was a football player and not a very [good] one, because he was advertising that he was a football player with every ounce of his being*.

He insisted on being large and taking up the entire sidewalk with his hulking bulk. I was trapped behind him and couldn't see around him, so I had to look at him.

He was wearing his M FOOTBALL-imprinted pants in that way that is so popular with high school boys, so that it was only by virtue of his long M FOOTBALL-imprinted jacket (and the M FOOTBALL-imprinted backpack with the "I AM A U-M FOOTBALL PLAYER AND HERE IS MY NAME"-imprinted ID tag hanging off of it) that I could not see his M FOOTBALL-imprinted underpants.

I was so annoyed with him in so many ways. First, he was in my way. Second, he was annoyingly trashily commercial and I know it's very important to him that he's a football player and all, but I don't give a crap. Third, why does this school dress him but we have no parking and 1,000 people in grad-level classes?

But most of all, it was the stupid pants.

I was really tempted to pull them down and run away, all the while pretending** to be a tiny little female so that he wouldn't hit me. Now I'm thinking I probably should have, because this blog post does not have an exciting, suspenseful ending at all. It only happened in my head, but now you may let it play out in your own minds as well. Happy imagi-pantsing!

–––––
* And being a football player, his being had lots of ounces.
** I bet I could pull this off.***
*** I said "pull this off"!

srah - Friday, 26 March 2004 - 4:00 PM
Tags: university of michigan

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