13 entries from srah blah blah tagged with 'fears':


Like all women, she's shoe-mad.

The advantage of having an overactive imagination is that I am well-prepared for almost any eventuality, no matter how preposterous. I will have you know that I have many courses of action plotted out just in case I accidentally kick my shoe off while walking and as it flies through the air, it happens to fall into a storm drain. And if my shoe gets stuck in the train tracks just as I hear the train start to whistle and the railroad arms start to come down, I will give one more tug, then give up and leave the shoe...

srah - Thursday, 10 July 2008 - 8:27 PM
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Coka, coka, coka, coh! Cha chee, cha chee, cha chee cha! Ah coodle doodle do, ah coodle doodle do! Coo coo cha cha, coo coo cha cha!

I hate mascots and clowns and people in big puffy animal costumes¹. I can't believe that there's an actual human being under there somewhere... it's just a horrible beast that has been sent to torment and terrify me. When we went to Zehnder's on Sunday for the Mothers' Day Brunch, I kept an eye on the creepy chicken mascot as he made his way around the room. If he came near me, I decided, I was going to sneer and say, "Happy Mother's Day! I just ate yours." ¹ Which is weird because "gorilla suit" is my go-to answer when...

srah - Thursday, 15 May 2008 - 12:31 PM
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Feel my cocoa beats. Je m'appelle Joe le Lait.

Saturday, March 22 On Saturday, Cari, Matt and I went to Berkeley to go on a tour/tasting at the Scharffen Berger factory. Unlike the last time I went to a chocolate tasting, I was actually able to appreciate the quality chocolate and the different flavors therein. The key is not to use your teeth at all. You break the chocolate into little pieces, then let each individual morsel melt in your mouth, releasing all the fruity undertones that come from the fermentation process applied to the cocoa beans. IT WAS AWESOME. I tasted all kinds of flavors that I don't...

srah - Friday, 4 April 2008 - 5:34 PM
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How many guys in a bear suit does it take to scare srah?

I am proud to have been a Bulldog/Mustang, a Roadrunner, a River Rat, a Briton and a Wolverine, because one thing that all of these schools had in common was that they never dressed anyone up in a stupid costume to dance around and seriously freak me out. Sports mascots are like clowns, but you can't even see their eyes so you never know when they're going to snap. (With clowns, at least you can see their eyes, so you can tell that they are going to snap and murder you... any minute now. It's... reassuring?) My usual reaction to...

srah - Wednesday, 3 October 2007 - 5:34 PM
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Why couldn't it be 'follow the butterflies'?

Last night as I returned home from the annual Latin American & Caribbean festival, I noticed that there was a huge black spider building a web across the window in the corner of my apartment building's entryway. I didn't think a whole lot of it, but then I woke up at 3:30am realizing that it might be a black widow. I spent about an hour looking at pictures of black widows on the Internet (which look suspiciously like this spider by my doorway) and reading about all of the damage their poison can do. Then I probably spent another hour...

srah - Saturday, 8 September 2007 - 3:13 PM
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Ohhhh, huggy hugs

On 30 Rock this week, Tina Fey's character bonded with another single 30-something woman over their common fear of choking and dying alone in their apartments and not being discovered until their neighbor's dog starts sniffing and scratching at the door. Bridget Jones had a similar fear of dying alone and being eaten by alsatians¹. I am not 30-something, but - as an inveterate worrier, I also have plenty of these fears. When I hear scary scary reports about rabies on NPR, I start thinking, "What will I do when I am inevitably attacked by rabid wild animals?" When I...

srah - Saturday, 28 October 2006 - 7:54 PM
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The Aurora Borealis? Contained entirely within my freezer?

I have an irrational fear of the chest freezer in my basement and it's all because of stories like this. It's not that I think that my family are all murderers and are hiding their victims in the basement freezer - it's the even more ridiculous fear that murderers are sneaking into my house in order to hide their victims in my freezer. I've gotten a lot better in recent years, but I sometimes still inhale sharply when lifting the lid, bracing myself for what could be inside. Wouldn't it serve me right if one of these times I got...

srah - Monday, 25 July 2005 - 6:16 PM
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Hannibal the Hornet lies in wait

I have just discovered that I am deathly afraid of bees! Oh boy, another phobia/neurosis to add to the list! There is a member of the bee family in my office. I always lump anything together that is black and yellow and has a stinger attached to it as a "bee" but I think this one may be a hornet. I am basing this on the fact that when it stopped flying around and I got a look at it, it looked exactly like this*, only slightly less cartoonish. I've never been stung by a "bee" and my hypochondria and...

srah - Wednesday, 18 May 2005 - 11:10 AM
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I want to attack you... WITH LOVE!

I was taking a shower this morning when the door to the bathroom opened. I froze. I took an inventory of who it could possibly be. My dad's still in South Carolina. My sister's in Albion. My mom is supposed to be at work, and if she came home for some reason, why would she open the bathroom door while I was showering and not say anything? The same goes for Robin, who also has a key to our house. Was the front door locked? Was the back door locked? I don't know - I just got up and I...

srah - Thursday, 16 September 2004 - 10:45 AM
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Thrill me with your acumen...

Dear Stupid Idiot, Why did you think it was such a bright idea to watch The Silence of the Lambs in the middle of a Sunday afternoon? Far from saving yourself from fear by watching it during daylight, you have now committed yourself to several extra hours of terror wherein you fear moths and transvestites and creepy creepy men and men in general and men in night-vision goggles and visions of serial killers are dancing in your head, which has plenty of dance room because they have already eaten your brain. This was Clarice's first big shot at practicing her...

srah - Sunday, 4 April 2004 - 6:00 PM
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If you want me, here I am, come and get me

I hate it when I find myself standing beside the bed and remember how I used to be afraid, when I was small*, of scary hands reaching out from under the bed and grabbing my feet. I hate it when I think about how silly and ridiculous this was... then start thinking about the hands and have to immediately jump into bed. ––––– * "Laugh it up, fuzzball."...

srah - Monday, 25 August 2003 - 9:45 PM
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The Srah Identity

As I walked home from the movie last night, I felt super-aware of my surroundings, afraid that CIA agents were going to jump out and grab me or just take sniper shots at me from the roof. Yes, because of course, I am a supersecret spy and the CIA is going to take an interest in me. What I should be more concerned about is normal criminals, I guess. Vichy, as you may have heard, is full of old people. Old people like to get their rest. So Vichy shuts down in the evenings and goes to sleep. Walking home...

srah - Thursday, 10 October 2002 - 5:46 AM
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Neuroses

I have a lot of strange neuroses and phobias and things I can't really explain. In restaurants, I prefer to sit with my back to the wall, facing the entrance. I don't know if it's some kind of Mafiaesque fear that someone's going to come shooting up the place or stab me in the back... but I prefer to be where I can see everyone in the room and no one can sneak up on me. I have my family trained to let me pick my seat first or to be willing to move if I make them. Apparently Alex...

srah - Wednesday, 6 March 2002 - 12:31 PM
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